WP4: A Reflection
Writ 340 was about addressing my insecurities and framing them through my educational experiences growing up, from Chinese cram school to prep school. Several factors contributed to the topics I worked on this semester. First, the autoethnographic style of writing provided the perfect medium for introspection. Second, I came across research on shame and the fear of other people’s opinions by taking an Entrepreneurship mindset class that focused on growth and purpose. Third, at the start of the semester, I was poised to also do some serious work on my anxiety, which was driven to an all-time high due to the LSAT and my wavering commitment to the pre-law path. Through the convergence of these factors, all my projects this semester centered around insecurity, anxiety, and finding the courage to overcome them. I learned through this semester’s work that vulnerability, when used adequately, can help teach ideas.
In trying to address my insecurities and anxiety this semester, I had to be vulnerable in my writing. There originally wasn’t any intention behind the vulnerability, but over time, I realized I’m pretty good at writing in a vulnerable way. Specifically, when I’m vulnerable in my writing, I don’t do it in a distastefully attention-seeking way. Instead, I can lead by example and show my readers they can also find the courage to deal with shared insecurities.
I realized that vulnerability in writing, when done adequately, is very cathartic. This healing effect comes from both within and without. My internal feedback tells me that putting my insecurities on paper requires deep introspection and framing that helps me better understand them. The desire to not be a victim in my writing also helps me stay accountable for my mistakes and see that I have the power to correct them. Outside feedback tells me that my writing has helped people release what they’ve been too afraid or ashamed to express. I’ve sent my WPs to a lot of Chinese American friends, and many of them shared with me that my writing was able to help them recognize and begin working on a variety of issues, ranging from their inferiority complex to white culture due to their immigrant status or shame-based thinking from their Chinese roots.
The external feedback on my writing also helped me recognize the teaching element. At the start of the semester, I had a hard time understanding the pedagogy in our writing. In my academic journey, I’ve also written from the point of responding to a professor’s prompt or creating a prompt for myself to answer(i.e., a research paper). When I saw that my writing could evoke similar sentiments in people and help them grow more aware and more accountable to their insecurities and shame, I realized that there is pedagogy in my writing. This pedagogy of vulnerability is done through leading by example. I was able to relay my ideas by being extremely honest and accountable to show that others can do it, too.
To teach with vulnerability requires balance to the writing; flashing the audience with too much vulnerability to the point of being TMI will drive readers away with discomfort. At the same time, not being clear about my purpose of addressing uncomfortable topics at the start of the paper made the writing unclear. This is why I struggled with the start of both WP1 and WP3, where the feedback from the professor was to be more direct at the beginning. In reflection, it is natural that I struggled with finding this balance because the topics I wrote about required building trust and familiarity with the audience. There is a technique to writing with vulnerability; I will keep working on that in my future writing.
Sharing my vulnerability also helped me work on the “why and because” of my writing. Before this semester, I didn’t think about writing as how, why, and because. I’ve come to regard this framework as an easy and essential guidebook to my writing. In hindsight, my decision to write in a vulnerable way helped me learn to write with “why and because” because I could not merely show my vulnerability to my readers. I had to explain why I talked about my insecurities and why we must face our shame together as a cultural group. I was vulnerable because I wanted readers to see that they shared my insecurities and could benefit from working on them. I asked my readers to address their shame with me because we needed to stop the pain it was causing in our cultural upbringing. The vulnerability was visibly incomplete without the “why and because” and learning to write with “why and because” helped me incorporate pedagogy into my writing.
A specific moment when the “why and because” clicked for me was in my revisions. As I said earlier, I was having a hard time with the intros to my papers because I didn’t know the best way to be clear right away to my audience when talking about uncomfortable topics. Revising the start of my WP 1 and 3 was difficult. I spent hours changing tiny things but could not get the right vibe. Eventually, I realized that the “why and because” weaved purpose into my decision to discuss my insecurities. This writing framework made the introduction less TMI and “victim-complexy” because I was able to show that I’m being vulnerable for reasons that aren’t getting people to feel sorry for me. I made sure to ask my friends after they read my WPs to see if I came off too much as a victim in my writing. I’m happy they all said they didn’t sense that and felt I made it clear that I was using personal anecdotes to write about something bigger than myself.
Overall, I’m proud of my work this semester. Not only did I find an outlet to engage in some cathartic work for myself and others, but I also found a writing voice that I liked. I also unlocked a writing framework that is easy to follow and ensures a higher level of analysis and explanation that I will take to my writing projects in the future.
