10/10 Would Recommend Being Gay
Gay — a word with many meanings that are as different as chalk and cheese. Whilst the Cambridge dictionary defines it as being ‘sexually or romantically attracted to people of the same gender and not to people of a different gender,’ the Urban Dictionary proposes it as ‘a word commonly used by male teenagers to describe their disgust or hate towards a subject or person’.
To me, it means something entirely different. Even though many people would object and say that the term only refers to men who love men, I would describe myself as ‘gay.’ And to me, it is the complete opposite of ‘disgust or hate towards a subject or person.’ To me, it is about love towards a person. That is, a person of my gender. No more and no less. It’s not about rebellion or hate towards the heteronormative (meaning ‘the non-gay’). It is only about being attracted towards people with the same gender as your own.
To some people, homosexuality is deemed as ‘wrong’ and ‘punishable by God’, but to me, that doesn’t make sense. In my eyes, it’s like this: if you believe that a God was the creator of humans, he therefore must be the creator of gayness. Because if he created me, he must have created me as gay. And why would it be wrong if it was created by an almighty God?
And I’m not the only gay person by far, so I cannot have been an accidental mistake he may have made. Because when I go outside, I see queer people holding hands walking down the street, I see them online, on TikTok, on Instagram, on any social media. On media of any kind.
It is everywhere, and it is always different. If gayness was a film, it wouldn’t have just one director. It wouldn’t even have just one producer. And that’s the beauty of it: I direct and produce my own queerness. Other queer people direct and produce theirs. Everyone in this community gets to make up their own individual sexuality.
If queerness was a film, it would be shown in most cinemas around the world. In some countries, they wouldn’t be allowed to screen it publicly. But even then, cinemas would still find a way to secretly screen them. Just because homosexuality is ‘illegal’ in some countries doesn’t make homosexuals disappear. Many queer people live in places where they are tortured or prosecuted for being who they are, and for loving people who have the same gender. And even though I am very grateful to be living in a country where I have (almost) equal rights and usually feel safe enough to be out in public, homophobia is clearly visible in the UK, too. In 2021 for example, there were 80 homophobic and 12 transphobic offences a day. So please, don’t look at me as if my existence would threaten yours. My love is not going to harm you. Instead, please talk. Voice your questions. And most of all, please try and understand that people are just people. If they say they are queer, they are probably just that. They don’t want to hurt you. So please, don’t hurt them either.
To be real, there are some downsides to being in a same-sex relationship. Like when you’re out and about and you really need a wee, but your girlfriend needs one too. And then you’re sitting on the loo, in the stall next to your sweet girlfriend, in awkward silence. (The only alternative I have managed to think of is waiting until she says she needs one, pretending that you don’t at the moment, and then waiting approximately 30 minutes until you can go alone. Though, I wouldn’t recommend doing so when you’re bursting.) Or when you’re walking through town, holding hands with your partner, and notice some puzzled looks directed at you. Or when you have to explain to your family again and again, that no, it’s not a phase, it’s who I am.
Being queer means not fitting into the heteronormative society. And sometimes, that can be hard. Being ‘the other’ is often uncomfortable, and you never know how a person might react when they find out.
On the other hand, there are numerous pros to make up for the cons. Your partner will always know where and how to touch you (provided that your partner was born with the same sex as you). You can share clothes, lipstick, and eyeliner with your partner. And then obviously, add to that all the merits you get from being in a relationship with a non-heteronormative person, like doing your nails together, watching cheesy shows, talking about feminism and actually agreeing on it. The list goes on. What’s more, when you’re ‘out of the closet’, you’re suddenly part of a community. A community that is so diverse and gay (in every sense of the word), that you will never feel ‘out of place’. You want to dye your hair blue or pink? Go for it! You want to wear clothes that are more colourful than the rainbow? Join the queue! Whatever you feel like doing, you probably won’t be the only one. This kind of open acceptance is what we all need more of in life.
So, considering everything, I would give a solid 10/10. If you consider personal and sexual freedom and getting to love the person you really want to love, it is worth every obstacle, every coming out, every uncomfortable question or stare. You cannot choose your sexual identity, but if you’re lucky enough to love a person, and that person loves you back, you have won the lottery. No matter their gender.
