6 Things I Wish I’d Known Before … Coming Out
6 things that you might like to know before YOU do!
© theproudtrust.org
1.The overwhelming feeling of liberation
The initial thing that struck me most strongly after coming out was the overwhelming feeling of liberation. I felt a weight relieved from my shoulders, and experienced the freedom of a bird spreading its wings. This, accompanied with the sense of peace that settled itself within me, signified that I had done the right thing. No more repression of my identity. No more dodging of those notorious awkward questions asking what ‘my type’ of man is, or whether I have a boyfriend. Coming out additionally led to me being more able to see things in life from a new perspective; I became able to relate to other people’s stories within the LGBTQ+ community as well as empathising more strongly with those of other identity struggles. Coming out will give you the freedom to find your place in your community and construct a meaningful and beneficial support network.
2. You have to come out multiple times
Coming out to the most important people in your life is the most crucial and enlightening moment of revealing your sexual identity. It will, however, become apparent that you will have to ‘come out’ to many more people as you continue through life, whether these be new friends, work colleagues or anybody who inquires about your relationship status or dating profile. This is something that I was definitely not particularly aware of until experiencing it myself.
3. Additionally, it often doesn’t get any easier to come out to people!
Despite how comfortable or confident you may be with your identity, you will find that sometimes coming out to somebody new will be completely natural and easy. However, this may not be the case in other instances. I often feel nervous or worried about telling people and sometimes I just can’t get the words out of my mouth. But that’s okay. It can be exhausting having to come out to people multiple times, but that is a fact of being part of this community, especially as we live in a society that commonly assumes people to be heterosexual. In my personal case, most people assume me to be heterosexual because I do not fit lesbian stereotypes, commonly due to my generally femme appearance. Apparently ‘you don’t look like a lesbian’ (whatever that means!) if you aren’t butch with short hair, tattoos and male attire.
4. You will realise that you should’ve done it sooner
If you feel ready to come out, you should go for it! Do not rush into it, but if you decide its the right time then go ahead and free yourself from the constraints of your secret. Whilst you may be used to nurturing this secret and keeping it safe from the external pressures, reactions and opinions of outsiders, you will feel much better releasing it. Bottling things up for a long period of time can be unhealthy and damaging to your wellbeing.
5. Prepare how you want to come out and what you want to say in advance
This is important because having a plan can help you to feel more prepared and less overwhelmed. For me, writing two separate letters to each of my parents, explaining everything and confronting questions I supposed they may ask, felt the right way to go about it. I didn’t have to put myself under the duress of saying it out loud and it meant that I could say everything I needed to without interruptions and without forgetting anything.
6. There is no need to worry if you aren’t an expert with LGBTQIA+ terminology and courtesies; this does not define you or your right to a place within the community
Do not feel that you need to put pressure on yourself to know the correct terminology and courtesies straight away. You can learn these things with time and ultimately its best to just ensure that you are respectful of how one identifies and what pronouns they use. I found this difficult at first because I had never met anyone trans or non-binary until I went to university, especially coming from a small town in which LGBTQ+ people are virtually non-existent. Do not add another unnecessary stress to this already intense and uncertain period of time. People will be more than willing to engage with you on this subject as long as you show thought and respect.
The Office for National Statistics state that people aged 16–24 years old are most likely to identify as LGBTQ+ and The Proud Trust say that around 25% of homeless youths identify as LGBTQ+. It is evident that coming out is a big issue for young people and it is important that they can access support and advice. I remember how sex education classes at school always revolved around heterosexual relationships. Homosexual sex and relationships education should be accessible in schools to combat this inequality and provide people with information that will actually be useful to them personally. For anybody coming out, it is crucial that other members of the community are as inclusive and welcoming as possible so I really hope that this article will be helpful to anyone peeking out of the ‘closet,’ preparing to come out! Ignore the butterflies in your stomach, jump out, lock the door and throw away the key.
