According to Research… It’s All Bullsh*t
No, you did not read that wrong
The health industry is known for its ‘fabrication’ and it is up to the consumer to find the good and filter out the bullshit, but with the increasing “self proclaimed gurus” emerging in the online fitness network, it’s becoming harder and harder to find out the age old question — What the hell actually works? And according to research nothing works.
Research paper beats survey rock, survey rock beats testimony scissor and, well, you get the idea. Essentially the downfall of the health industry is that there is no general consensus, no consistency, therefore no real answer. Investigating this article, I initially set out to find the best, most praised research approved diet plan that will help any reader battle the bulge, but after three tedious hours of article after testimony after blog, I was left brain dead and very, very hungry.
After all that time not well spent, I wondered, if everyone is an expert, and every article cancels out one another -what the hell do we do now ? “Research shows you don’t need exercise to lose weight”, “Veganism is the best method for permanent weight loss”, “Master Cleanse Detox helped me drop 50lbs”. I have tried and failed the most ridiculous and stupid fitness and nutritional crazes. I have fallen victim to the money driven madness of unnecessary supplementation, food supplies and body enhancing equipment to the point of embarrassment. Guess that makes me your what NOT to do girl. That being said, here are the lessons well learnt from the most ridiculous crazes the industry had to offer.
Waist trainers
After seeing Khloe Kardashian’s transformation, I immediately questioned its authenticity. The Kardashians are known for the fake bits and pieces so naturally I was skeptical that her weight loss was legit. That being said I noticed Khloe snapping pictures of herself in this corset-like contraption. Out of curiosity I googled and discovered it was a waist trainer. Essentially a waste trainer is almost identical to a corset and allegedly gives you an hourglass figure. I fell for yet another gimmick and purchased a waist trainer for the cost of £37.50. I wore it everyday for anywhere between 4–9 hours. I wore it going to college, under my work clothes, even when I was working out (I obviously washed it). Needless to say I got my money’s worth and I was seeing results. The trainer was so tight that it restricted how much I ate everyday (because I was one meal away from bursting it open). Secondly it made me sweat more around my midriff area which helped me drop a few (water weight) pounds. However, after a couple of months my lower back really began to give me trouble, yes I was losing weight but it was not worth the damage that I still deal with today. I had bruised ribs from the wiring and my back began to develop an unnatural shape. I wore a waist trainer for six months in 2015 and almost two years later I still have lower back pain and have been correcting my posture ever since.
Verdict: Temporary weight loss and permanent damage.
Detoxing is the devil
After discovering that Beyonce dropped 20lbs by committing herself to the Master Cleanse for her film, the whole world went crazy (because let’s face it, we all want to be Beyonce). The recommended duration for the cleanse is anything between 3–14 days. Essentially you eat nothing, instead you consume a concoction of lemon juice, cayenne pepper, maple syrup and distilled water. After booking a spontaneous sun holiday with my friend, I had 10 days to be bikini body ready. Instinctively I searched the web for the fastest, easiest method of weight loss I could find. It led me to this cleanse, so I did it for 7 days. It was the cruelest and most difficult thing I have ever put myself through.I committed to the cleanse for seven days; here were the results.
- I dropped 6lbs
- My skin cleared up
- I had zero energy
- I was the moodiest person on the planet for those 7 days
Like all great quick fixes, none of these results were permanent, within the space of 5 days having resumed my normal, relatively healthy diet, I had gained seven pounds and I was constantly craving food.
Verdict: NEVER AGAIN
Oh it worked for my brother’s girlfriend’s cousin’s cat’s mother-in-law, so it will definitely work for me.
I am the biggest sucker for weight loss stories, in fact, I’m slightly obsessed with them. There is nothing more motivating than watching a friend or colleague get skinnier than you. I know I am not the only sucker out there who asks new skinny friend how they did it. Of course I forget the fact that every person has a different body type, different metabolism and let’s face it, nobody will ever tell the truth about what they really did. They will say, they did one specific thing and you automatically assume it will work for you and you automatically assume that you will get the same results. I have copied and pasted other people’s weight loss tips and tricks into my life and some of them were just pathetic. My mom’s best friend said that all she ate was eggs and chicken for two months and lost 2st. So I did the same, I lost 8lbs. My hairdresser said she started running, so I did the same. I got a flat ass and shin splints.
Verdict: You listen to your own body, you trial what you think will help your body, not what others say, you do you.
So there you have it, a little insight into the some of the bullshit research has to offer. To end this article here are some authentic guidelines to remember when it comes to your health.
Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint. It is your journey, no one else’s. Listen to your body and enjoy the process.
With thanks to Ellis Wiggins
