Alexa, Play ‘I Get Lonely’ by Drake
“Go to university” they said. “It’ll be the best time of your life” they said.
The “University experience”. I’m sure we have all heard this term and either shuddered at the thought of it, couldn’t wait to experience it or longed to get it back. When people often spoke about their university experience to me, they usually covered the basics; their unforgettable freshers’ week, all-nighters in the library and their flatmates having no sense of hygiene. Whilst these sum up your first year pretty accurately, what they oh so conveniently failed to mention is the crippling loneliness you may feel.
This is not to scare anyone off potentially going to university because I have to say for me, it has been an amazing experience and I’ve made memories and friends to last a lifetime. This is just so that you are somewhat prepared for what you might have to deal with, especially in your first term of your first year. Don’t be like me who spent all of her year 13 summer watching Nella Rose’s YouTube videos thinking that’s how my university experience would be right off the bat. Because boy was I wrong. If you’re unfamiliar with who Nella Rose is, she is an influencer who gained a large following due to her university vlogs that included her plethora of friends and a whole lot of fun and laughter. Granted, you will experience both these things, but chances are it won’t be right at the beginning. If you are lucky enough to start off university with a large group of friends, more often than not, you won’t stay friends (just a heads up) or you’ll have days where you’re in your accommodation, possibly close to tears, just wanting a cuddle from your mum. And that’s ok.
The thing about university is that it can be very easy to isolate yourself from the rest of the world. Once you’ve gone to your lectures, all that’s really left to do is cook dinner. Alone. Watch Netflix. Alone. Do your seminar prep. Alone. Then get ready for bed to repeat the whole process again. Now, this may sound like a dream come true, getting away from nagging parents and annoying siblings, but trust me I wish I knew how deafening silence would be. Obviously, it’s not all doom and gloom but being aware that university will have a lot of ups and downs is something that is helpful to know so that when you are in your ‘down’ episode, it’ll be quicker to pull yourself out of it as it was somewhat anticipated. Rather than the isolation coming out of nowhere and hitting you like a ton of bricks.
Being a black student also had a large impact on the loneliness I felt at the start of my university experience. My whole life I had always been surrounded by people that looked just like me, both in the area I live in and the schools I attended. It was when I came to university that for the first time in my life I actually felt like a minority. I think that would have been the most beneficial heads up I could have gotten because at least then it wouldn’t have been such a shock to the system. I didn’t realise how much of a white space university is and how out of place I would feel infiltrating it.
Yes, university is a place full of growth, adventure and new experiences. But it is also extremely isolating and being aware of this beforehand, means you can take active steps to try to avoid letting the loneliness consume you.
