Having sex with strangers
I do not judge anyone who has hookups/one-night stands.
*Please do not misinterpret this article. It is simply based on personal preference and I fully support people (consensually) doing what they like with their bodies.
A list of reasons and concerns I have that deter me from fully understanding, or participating in, hookup culture and one-night stands.
1. Intimacy
I do know that sex, for some people, can just be a physical and emotionless act, and that is absolutely fine.
Being taught to think of sex as an intimate act to share with someone you love and care about could make it uncomfortable to be with someone with a different point of view.
2. Physical safety
You don’t really know this person! What’s their last name?
Chances are you have never spoken or met this person prior to that night.
How are you sure that you’re safe going back to their, or even your own, place with them?
Half the time we don’t feel safe walking home alone, so what are the chances that some stranger who has already (in one way or another) made their intentions clear be a better option?
3. Sexual safety
This applies in two ways, protection and kinks.
3a. Protection: Even though you would hope that someone would disclose with you if they have/had an STD/HIV/AIDs prior to engaging in sex with you, they don’t have to!
You can, and probably should, ask but that doesn’t mean they’ll tell the truth… Also, can someone please explain why/how a condom would make it feel so different for guys to the point that some outright refuse to wear one?
In addition to STD protection, there is also the whole other issue of possible pregnancy. The pull-out method can only do so much… and not every woman is able to be on the pill. There are so many options out there, but a condom seems like such an easy one.
3b. Kinks: I am not kink-shaming. It is a simple and well-known fact that different people like different things. It’s just that sometimes those things should be built up to rather than asking a perfect stranger to piss on you a few hours after meeting them.
4. ‘Walk of Shame’
‘Pleasure Parade’
‘Satisfied Strut’
Just something a bit more positive!
Regardless of your gender, if you have voluntarily just partaken in a sexual act between two (or more) responsible and consenting adults…why should you be ashamed of that?
Why are you shaming someone for their human right to physical pleasure?
5. Initiation
Now this one.
This one kind of baffles me, mostly depending on the setting.
Setting #1 Apps:
At this point, yes, most apps are, the majority of the time, used as another outlet of finding a hookup, but you can have some manners about it at least?
In what world do you actually expect to get the response you want from any of the following messages without having any prior contact?… (yes, these are messages I have personally received, just to give a few examples)
‘eggplant emoji’ ‘water emoji’ ‘water emoji’ ‘tongue sticking out emoji’
‘So, when are you coming to sit on my face?’
‘I bet you look gorgeous on your back.’
‘Your eyes are just begging me to fuck you.’
‘DTF?’
I mean, would you honestly be saying any of these as an opening to a conversation if we were in public?
Setting #2 Clubs:
Now, I have only been to two clubs in my life but in both experiences, I could barely get a bartender to understand my drink order… how did this become the setting to try to get someone to go home with you?
Setting #3 Pubs:
This is possibly the only setting I am able to somewhat wrap my head around.
It is the most logical out of all the options; you are able to actually have a conversation, you can get to be a little comfortable with them, and your friends can get a good look at them before you leave with them, just in case.
(Are there any settings I missed?)
