How I Beat 2020
The most chaotic year of all time had its fair share of ups, downs, and even more downs. But I somehow survived. And got stronger. Fasten your seatbelts for an emotional rollercoaster ride including plot twists, betrayals, and dogs.
2020 was a weird year. Like, insanely weird. Starting with horrendous bushfires in Australia, a global pandemic taking over the world, conspiracy theorists and racists storming the American Capitol, and the never-ending story of the fiasco called Brexit. Not exactly how any of us expected this year to play out. Back in January 2020, naïve young Darius planed his year completely differently. I had an awesome job with perspective in an amazing team. I found a balance between work-life and social life, planning road trips with my friends through all of Europe. I succeeded in visiting the gym four times a week while eating healthy. I throve in university. And I was confident spending a year abroad in the UK — despite Brexit hanging like a sword of Damocles on my plans. Little did I know that Boris Johnson would be the least of my problems.
Returning from a trip to the Baltic states, I found myself in the most inconvenient situation in February. Corona had arrived in Europe, and the first cases surfaced. I didn’t make much of it at first. Three weeks later, I lost my first job in that year. The company had to shut down, my internship in other departments were cancelled. The short vacation backfired horribly and put me in financial troubles. At the same time, the first lockdown had been introduced to Germany, leaving me in a small 20m² room all by my own. While my friends travelled back home, I wasn’t able to. My idea: Let’s go to my flat, have a nice cold pint, and wait for this all to blow over. Well…
While the first few weeks of isolation weren’t that bad, yet another setback appeared when I got Corona. Because I wasn’t legible to be tested, the testing facility put me into two weeks of quarantine. Afterwards, I couldn’t even go for a quick walk without wheezing like Joe Exotic running away from his attempted murder charges. After binging all 353 true crime documentaries on Netflix and selling my soul to the devil himself — Crowley from Supernatural — I got the feeling that this might take a while to blow over. Losing the sense of time in April, other problems caught up with me. Money. Erasmus. University. I hit rock bottom, drowning in self-doubt and my own sorrows. Adding insult to injury I received yet more evil tidings: Getting diagnosed with double depression.
With repressed emotions and traumatic events from my childhood resurfacing into my life, the odds were stacked against my only goals for 2020. Namely, going abroad and finishing my degree. Although getting a job at a local hardware store and being furloughed in the span of three weeks, my therapy helped me getting out of this hole and slowly regaining control over my life. Putting in a lot of effort, I secured getting all the credit points for my degree, started working on the thesis, and being hired at my old job. In June, I had been happier than ever before, getting back on track and seeing my friends again. I told my mother about my problems and cut my father off. For once in my life, I felt being fulfilled with confidence and nothing could stop me. In September, I moved to Canterbury, where I had a pleasant time in the beginning until Lockdown Two — Electric Boogaloo followed.
Being the only single in my flat, everybody had somebody to turn to during isolation. I joined borrowmydoggy.com and found my soulmate. No, not a girlfriend. It was love at the first glance. I always dreamed about getting my very own Golden Retriever, and Idie was a blessing. Since I was a child, I sought comfort in dogs. So, naturally, Idie gave me the feeling of having something to live for. Not being able to meet any of my friends had been neutralised by taking Idie for a walk regularly. My therapist said she was very confused when she saw the results from my evaluation. She thought I had fallen in love. Idie helped me getting through this time — until even she couldn’t lighten my mood any longer.
Back in Summer, I suspected to be spending Christmas in the UK. Travelling back home would have been a mammoth task. But I surely didn’t think of spending Christmas alone in my flat. My flatmates did the right thing, leaving Canterbury for Christmas to spend time with their families. I don’t blame them. Having the flat for myself was cool, though. But after Christmas, 2020 had to end on a high note — two flatmates had been tested positive for Corona. Despite my negative results, I had to isolate from the infected flatmates. Thus, on New Year’s Eve, I sat alone in my room, eating a pizza and drinking wine straight from the bottle. Obviously, I decided to binge-watch every series on Netflix UK and to screw up my sleep pattern even further.
Right now, I feel like being stuck in an endless loop of false hopes and devastating disappointments. I am still unemployed. I haven’t seen my best friend in the UK for three months. I gained seven kilos since the start of the second lockdown. I struggle with finding motivation for university. And I don’t know if I could even go back to Germany at the moment.
However, I won’t give up. My therapist always tells me about the incredible amount of resources and the potential I have. All my life I have been fighting against bullies, naysayers, false prophecies, and myself. 2020 showed me that she might be right. Despite being the worst year of my life, it was also the most successful year of my life. I am an overachiever. Instead of visiting a special needs school at the age of six, I became the first person of my family to graduate from university. And my way will continue. I beat 2020. And you can bet your damn arse on me beating 2021 as well.
And if somebody like me can get through this, you can too!
