#InternationalWomen’sDay
…but what about #InternationalMen’sDay?
A few weeks ago, the world celebrated the day of my mother. My day. My future daughter’s day. The day of my sex. International Women’s Day. Social Media was full of women sharing stories about friendship, women talking about their feminist passion, women embracing their womanhood.
But sadly, I am not feeling it.
Please do not get me wrong. I am a feminist myself. Absolutely.
But I have the same attitude towards Women’s Day as my mother has towards Mother’s Day:
If you only think of me on this day, I have already lost.
And unfortunately, I see a problem in the bigger picture. I believe if we want to have this 50:50 attitude in our society, we should integrate the other 50 per cent of our society into our fight. In other words:
Where are the men?
And this question brings me to the main purpose of this article.
So, to all the men out there, lean back and read, this article is for you.
We are not against masculinity.
We are against stigmatisation.
We are against suppression.
We are against violence.
We do not hate men.
I am a woman, so you could argue I am biased. But I will do my best here.
I am a feminist, so you could argue I am biased. But I am not your enemy.
In fact, I am a big fan of yours.
When I was a young girl, I was convinced I was a boy.
Not from an LGBTQ+ point of view, but from an ‘I don’t do girly stuff so I must be a boy's point of view. I loved playing in the garden, playing in the dirt. I ran around, I made no difference. My grandad, the ‘grandad is talking about the war again’-type of guy, made no difference. He was always convinced that I would be perfectly capable of doing everything I wish to.
My granddad was my hero.
My father was my hero.
My brother was my hero.
I thought men were heroes.
When I was in secondary school, something happened I did not understand. The school organised a self-defence class for the thirteen years old girls where we learned some moves to defend ourselves from men.
While the girls were in the class, the boys were allowed to go into a natural sciences bus where they conducted experiments.
I did not understand that.
I wondered “Why can’t I go into the science bus and the boys go into the class and learn not to attack me. It’s their problem, not mine.”.
When you are a child, you come up with the easiest solutions.
You are a human. I am a human.
You have emotions. I have emotions.
We are not that different.
There is so much toxic masculinity out there. I don’t even like the term toxic masculinity. Because masculinity is not toxic, the behaviour is.
So maybe it's time to reflect on some behaviour.
If suppressive behaviour makes you feel masculine, maybe you should rethink your definition of masculinity?
If you are upset because I do not behave the way you want me to…what does that say about you and what does that say about me?
If we crash because I am not willing to step out of your way anymore and you never considered to go out of mine, am I causing a problem or was the problem there the whole time?
We love masculinity.
We love it when you support us.
We love it when you believe in us, even when we don’t.
We love it when you protect us and stand side by side with us.
We do love men.
There are men in my life that live such amazing masculinity.
They are warm, heartful human beings.
They stand with their values.
They are supportive.
They do not care if they are ‘masculine enough’ to other men because they know that they do not have to prove anything to anybody.
There are men I can rely on no matter what.
There are men that accept my ‘No’ and do not see it as the subject of discussion. And you know what?
With them, I do not even have to say ‘No’ because there are so many more ways of showing it.
I am not in secondary school anymore. I know now that it is my problem too. But it also remains yours. And when my WW2-Grandad could embrace his positive masculinity, I am sure you can do too.
I would love to celebrate #InternationalMen’sDay with you. See you then.
With Love.
