Life’s too short for long-distance relationships
I wish I’d known just how difficult it would be
In the final few months of college, just before starting university, I got into a relationship. We were both from Southampton but, he was moving to Cardiff and I was going to Canterbury: 213 miles, 3.5-hour drive, 4.5-hour train journey. The distance really was far. However, we decided to commit and do our best to make it work. I knew it was going to be a challenge but I didn’t expect it to have such a huge impact on my life.
Immediately, the distance put a strain on our relationship. We found ourselves arguing over the tiniest and most insignificant things. I’d send a cringey loving Snapchat and his wouldn’t be quite as over-affectionate as mine. Or I would respond to his text message, but Canterbury’s famously crap signal never sent my reply. It was always the smallest, pettiest things that caused our bickering. We’d let it build until one of us would snap at the other. We also got into a dangerous habit of calling every single night. If one us went on a spontaneous night out then, the other would get annoyed because they had waited ages to chat, only to be let down.
Alongside that was the fear of disappointing my partner and feeling guilty. I vividly remember sitting in my student house kitchen with one of my male housemates; we innocently chatted away whilst eating some dinner, but I felt so guilt-ridden afterwards. Even though my boyfriend never put pressure on me, I convinced myself he would be angry with me for being alone with another guy. I was scared to make friends with boys, and made myself feel guilty about absolutely nothing.
I was also sceptical about all the female friends that he made. I’d never been a jealous person beforehand, but long distance brought out the worst in me. As I had been too afraid to make any of my own male friends, I didn’t understand my boyfriend’s relationship with ‘girl’ friends. I was his girlfriend, not them. I didn’t have an equivalent that I could relate to, so viewed every woman as a threat. This unsurprisingly led to more arguing, heightening my jealousy. Even though I knew there was nothing to worry about, there were always panicked thoughts running through my head. I trusted him completely, it was the other girls I was wary of.
This worry, guilt and jealousy became all I could focus on. It really limited my first year at university. I didn’t join many societies. I didn’t make many friends. I didn’t enjoy it. I missed out on so much during my first year because I was stuck in a long-distance relationship. I couldn’t make weekend festivities because I was travelling back and forth to Cardiff. I had to reject people’s suggestions for a night out and ended up growing more distant from them as well. I isolated myself. I really wish that I’d made more of an effort to meet people and try new things instead of crying over how much I missed my boyfriend.
After a year and a half, we broke up. But, it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. I felt liberated and free to do what I wanted without having to worry about how it would affect my partner. A huge weight was lifted and I could finally live a guiltless, carefree university life. I also saved a lot of money from not travelling to Wales every other week, meaning I could afford to do more with my new friends.
Getting into a relationship right before starting university wasn’t a good idea. It held me back a lot. I wish I’d known how isolated and lonely I would feel from always missing out, whether that was in Cardiff or in Canterbury. I didn’t like being the crazy jealous girl who wasted her first year of university.
In my case, long-distance definitely didn’t work.
