Millennials Are Serial Killers
According to research, Millennials are committing some serious crimes…
O.K., maybe they’re not quite serial killers. But they are cereal killers. And that’s just as bad — right?
Millennials get a lot of stick, and that’s just for the years they were born. Being born in 1998, I don’t technically qualify as a Millennial, but it’s become the accepted term for insulting all 20-somethings. “You’re such a Millennial” is the said ‘thing’ if anyone under the age of 30 says or does something slightly disagreeable, despite Generation-Y beginning almost 40 years ago, in 1981. And since then, apparently, we’ve done some damage…
As the popular “Me Generation” label suggests, we are self-absorbed, lazy, and entitled. Yet, perhaps the most heinous crime committed by this generation is causing the decline of the cereal market.
Maybe it’s because we’re too lazy to pour cereal into a bowl every morning? Perhaps our beloved avocado on toast takes precedent over cereal? Whatever the case, research has shown a huge decrease in cereal consumption, around 17%, and Millennials are to blame.
In 2016, The New York Times published an article about this decline, which found that 40% of American Millennials found cereal an inconvenient breakfast option due to the inevitable washing up — totally on-brand for our infamous laziness. Though these statistics are undeniable, it’s time to debunk the myth of this idle generation.
Firstly, though 40% are deciding against eating it, 60% of 20-somethings do still have cereal for breakfast, so we can’t possibly be the reason for the market’s decline. Cereal is still the number one breakfast choice for most people, despite 44% of adults skipping breakfast entirely. Secondly, research by Parade and SheKnows.com found that, in a survey of 3,000 Americans, 73% of this population preferred a classic savoury, greasy fry-up over a bowl of Frosties anyway (take that, New York Times).
In fact, thanks to Millennials, cereal has become a popular choice of snack. So much so, that there is now a whole new wave of cafes that just serve cereal. In 2014, Cereal Killer Cafe was born, the first of its kind. Starting as a stall travelling between festivals, it has now grown up into a trendy two-storey cafe on London’s Brick Lane, and more recently one in Camden. Boasting over 120 types of cereal, you won’t be any less than dumbfounded by their extensive menu — especially when you see the prices! They even do cereal-based cocktails (at £9) or, for the non-drinkers, perhaps a bottle of milk that has been soaked in cereal. The queues are a testament to the popularity of cereal among younger generations and Millennials alike, especially when each bowl makes a £6.50 dent in your pocket — clear evidence that we may, in fact, be keeping the cereal industry alive. And if after one bowl you’ve built a real appetite for high-end cereal, and you have more money than sense, you can go ahead and buy a whole box of cereal for the small fee of £7.50. Great, right?…
Though amusing, this uproar about cereal has sent the world into an (even greater)Millennial-bashing frenzy, finding anything else being consumed less in recent years, and placing the blame on us downright awful Millennials. That’s right, it’s not just the cereal markets slandering us for their loss of sales.
Generation-Y has caused serious losses for American cheese, too. Sales of those orange, rubber slices dropped 1.8% in 2018, and by 2019 packet-based Mac & Cheese brand Kraft reported a 27% plummet in sales. Supposedly, this is groundbreaking and, of course, Millennials are to blame. Other catastrophes at the hands of this generation are raisins, mayonnaise, and tinned tuna. But surely purging by the world of these is doing everybody a favour? Unless you’re a plastic-cheese-loving, raisin-munching, mayonnaise fanatic of course.
So, conceited Millennials, if you wish to further inflate your egos and find out about 18 other victims of your consumer habits, then this article from The Independent beautifully summarises the immense damage of an entire generation. Those poor napkins…
