Monophobia and Me
What caused it and how I overcame it…
Loneliness; a word which to me has many negative connotations. When we think of loneliness most of us would typically associate it with the elderly, lacking hobbies, friendships, or relationships. However, for some this is not the case. In fact, some people prefer the idea of hiding themselves away in their room to escape the stresses and pressures of everyday life and embrace the time alone. The truth is none of these factors applied to me. Even after hearing loads of advice from friends and family about how to start enjoying my own company, the fear of being alone is still something that eats away at me. For a while this feeling has consumed me and left me feeling abnormal, inadequate and anxious. I could not work out how I developed such an intensely petrifying fear from something that appears to be so normal to everyone else. However, I knew that if I was ever going to overcome my monophobia, then I had to find the root cause of my problem.
When I was younger, I thought of the world as a sort of Disneyland where everyone always got their “happily ever after”. It appeared to me that everyone has much more in common; the same hobbies, same interests and same routines in life. It’s safe to say I felt like a big fish in a small pond. However, as time progresses as we grow older it seems as though that pond broadens and instead of you growing with it, you stay the same size. For me, this became particularly apparent when leaving high school. I realised that the world was such a different place to what I once thought it was, and the brutalities of the real world could not go unnoticed. I realised that not everyone is going to accept me for who I am, pick me up when I am feeling down, or forgive me for my mistakes. I feel this realisation brought on my fear of being alone due to the horror of getting lost in my negative thoughts about the world. It made me feel as though I needed the company of others to distract me from the thoughts I receive when being on my own. However, I knew in reality this is not how my life should be. I knew I should not have to live in fear that when being alone negative thoughts would automatically pop into my head, and bring on my anxiety. Thus, I knew that if I had any chance of getting rid of this phobia, I would need to make some changes in my life.
Firstly, I searched relentlessly online of ways to improve my situation. The suggestions included things such as going out, seeing and speaking to people. So, that is exactly what I did. I tried going out in the evenings, as this is when I felt the loneliness the most. I would drink excessively to give me the courage to speak to as many strangers as possible in order to disguise the fact that I felt lonely or anxious… Bad idea. Instead of this making me feel better, I realised that it only made me feel worse in the long run. The more I repeated this desperate behaviour, the lonelier and more isolated I would feel. I eventually came to realise the reality that doing this was leaving me in more of a rut than before. I felt alone even when surrounded by a room full of people. I concluded that I needed a longer-term fix; something that would be beneficial to my future. I needed to find a way to enjoy my OWN company, and in doing so I discovered something extraordinary…
People who suffer from monophobia are not alone. In fact, everybody suffers from it one way or another in the course of their lives. Once I realised this, I knew I was no longer alone and part of a much wider community. In reality, the way to embrace your own company is to accept that you are perfectly fine being who you are. YOU are the key to your own happiness. Rather than throwing yourself into every social situation possible, taking time to yourself is actually a good thing. Accepting that you don’t need to always seek approval from others or dwell on the fact that you are lonely when alone. You must take it as a time to embrace the things you enjoy the most. You must accept that these times on your own are your time to relax, and time to create a safe and peaceful space in your mind. When you are kind to yourself, you can learn that you are not your own enemy, and that loneliness can be the key to your own happiness.
