Moving On: Leaving your old self behind
I grew up in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Yes, it is a Muslim country, and no, I myself am a Buddhist hence my family is in no way conservative. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and how I was brought up, but when I started studying abroad, it was a perfect opportunity for me to leave my old self behind and paint myself however I wanted on my new, blank canvas.
Having read one-too-many articles about self-improvement on Thought Catalog, I found that most of them were tacky, unrealistic, and lame to my 19 year old self. Back then, I was your typical textbook shy, quiet, soft-spoken Asian girl in a foreign country. Heck, even back home I was soft-spoken and found it difficult to fit in. This was when I knew I had to step out of my comfort zone for my own good, in order for me to ‘be able to survive in this cold society’, as my mother would’ve put it.
Here are a few pointers I would have liked to have given my 19 year old self, speaking from experience as someone who made a 180 after studying abroad for so many years.
- The first step is the biggest one you’ll take.
When I first landed in Tokyo and moved into my dorms, I knew not a single person in my building. However, there was a common room downstairs where we could mingle, and after dropping my bags off, I took a huge breath and went downstairs to get to know some of the new faces. Needless to say, I was terrified. There was a huge table with approximately 8 people seated around it, and I acted as if it was second nature to me, and sat down. I started introducing myself, and right then everything got a lot easier. I still remember exactly how I felt right as I stepped into the room and everyone looked at me, and I still have no regrets in taking that one huge step to improve myself. - Take it slow, there’s no rush.
For most introverts, we need a little bit (or a lot) of time to recharge after spending time around people. And that’s completely fine, move at your own pace. If someone asks you to go for a drink and you don’t feel up to it, say no. However, I had huge FOMO (fear of missing out) when I was in Tokyo, so my ‘recharge time’ never stopped me from going out to meet new people even if it did mean that I would be exhausted afterwards. - Still, be consistent.
If you take that one big leap then just stop there, you won’t progress any further than that. Make it a point to do even a little every day, or every couple of days. For example, after classes, I made it a point to walk and talk with at least one friend when leaving the class. This way I made sure I would have at least that little bit of interaction every day, to make it a habit. - Give people a little more credit.
People are selfish, when walking on the streets, at the gym, or eating at a restaurant, nobody is truly looking or judging you. If they look, let them. It’ll pass and won’t even bother you anymore after a couple of minutes. Find whatever makes you feel the most confident and wear it proudly. This might sound cliché and lame, but it works. For me, it was and still is makeup, which might seem superficial and shallow, but it works for me and was what got me out of my shell. - It’s never easy, but it pays off.
After a few months, I went home for a couple of weeks during Spring break, and my family and friends could tell that I was somehow different. Just like with anything else, to have my efforts acknowledged by the people around me made me want to keep going and challenging myself.
There are undoubtedly numerous aspects of myself that I still want to change. Like not having a routine and living day-to-day, not going outside for fresh air enough, and not being able to do public speaking without feeling sick to my stomach. However I am taking it slow and trying my best to improve myself at my own pace, and I know you can too!
