New Mental Well-Being Survey Reveals 6 in 7 Dwarfs Aren’t Happy

Shockwaves have been sent through the Kingdom after a new nationwide life satisfaction survey uncovered a staggering 86% of the dwarf population surveyed did not identify themselves as happy.

These results have caused very real concern amongst mental health officials.

‘A lack of happiness is a very serious issue,’ said the study’s chief analyst, Dr Doc, before elaborating, ‘in conjunction with the low mood, many dwarfs have reported irritability, fatigue, reduced mental acuity, increased social anxiety and even reduced immunity to bacteria such as the common cold — all symptoms of depression.’

But how did this happen? Many theories are surfacing, but the most prevalent is that Queen Malificent’s narcissistic and self-involved rule has pushed fringe minorities into a state of dejection. When asked for his take, the Queen’s confidante, the Magic Mirror, was not available for comment.

The dwarves, however, are the not only issue. The extensive survey also revealed other atypical findings including a bizarrely high number of participants admitting they had held a conversation with a piece of furniture or an animal in the past month. Furthermore, societal shortcomings were also foregrounded with many teenage girls expressing anxiety over perceived pressure to marry someone of higher social status, such as royal, before their twentieth birthdays.

One dwarf asked about his take on the matter, stated that ‘it’s not ideal, but heigh-ho.’

However, in day-to-day life the mental health charity FTHO (Fairytale Health Organisation) have come up with a shortlist of ways to diminish this unhappiness. These include singing therapy, in which the patient sings away their sadness — proven to increase efficiency in task-based thinking –and focusing on your work.

Dr Doc closed his statement by saying, ‘We’re going to dig, dig, dig a little deeper, it’s what we like to do and we’re optimistic we’ll find for a source for the dwarf’s discontentment.’