Taking Anxiety to University.
Photo credit: Edge Hill University
Something you probably don’t know about me (because I don’t enjoy telling anyone) is that I suffer from anxiety.
What is anxiety? Anxiety is defined as ‘a nervous disorder marked by excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behaviour or panic attacks’. In fact, last year almost 20% of UK residents experienced this mental health issue.
I first faced my symptoms at the age of 15 when studying for my GCSEs. Although my symptoms did not all appear out of the blue. To me it feels like they did. I distinctly remember the day I experienced a tight chest, pins and needles down my limbs and an irrational fear of nothing and everything at the same time. I dreaded every moment I had to leave the house.
A month later I was terrified and went to see a doctor who prescribed me medication which was supposed to make me feel better. Although it felt as if my symptoms subsided, with the medication came side effects which made me feel constantly drowsy, unlike myself and generally out of it. So, after a few months I decided to stop taking medication and to tackle my anxiety head on.
This was no easy feat. There is no simple fix for anxiety and as someone who did not want to see the therapists my mother recommended for various reasons, I took it upon myself to research and to learn about the invisible pest plaguing my life. *Quick note: if you suffer from anxiety please take advantage of any professional help being offered to you; looking back I wish I had spoken to someone. I tried lots of different ways to train my brain to think differently and to calm itself down. Eventually, with some help and advice from reliable resources I was able to learn how to control it.
By the time I applied to University I was confident that I had a grip on anxiety, the frequency of my attacks at college was far smaller than at first. I was comfortable, and that comfort meant less fear. However, actually moving 120 miles away from home proved to be more difficult that I thought.
My first year. As someone who didn’t consider themselves a social butterfly who goes out, drinks and has masses of friends, being surrounded by thousands of people who made it their life mission to be social was both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, my housemates and friends encouraged me to become more outgoing and taught me how to have real uninhibited fun. On the other hand, sometimes it became difficult not to be able to shut myself away in my room to just breathe. Being the only one with a TV meant that my room had become the house common room. At the time it was a challenge but ultimately my anxiety became less of a constant issue for me.
Second year of University was easier. We actually had a living room, meaning that I could have my own private bedroom to which I could escape whenever I needed a break. My housemates understood that sometimes my anxiety got the better of me and that it was not their fault but that I just needed to be alone.
Third year. My year in France. As someone who studies languages in the United Kingdom it is inevitable that in the 3rd year of your 4 years of study you must live in a foreign country. Despite some initial issues, I surprised myself. Of course, it goes without saying that I did sometimes struggle. Living in a foreign country surrounded by people you don’t know and having to start a new life was testing. At first, I avoided interacting with strangers in French. If you know anything about French bureaucracy, then you know how difficult life can be. What completely changed my attitude was meeting an amazing group of friends.
These 4 incredible girls taught me so much and I know that I made friends for life. Unknowingly, they made me gain a lot of confidence both in my language ability and my own strength and despite some inevitable issues with anxiety, it was no longer the first thing on my mind when I thought about doing something new. Every weekend we travelled to a new city, explored its culture and most importantly its food. Something which I would never have imagined myself doing without having to pretend to be okay on the outside whilst panicking internally. It was a breakthrough year for me on many levels.
So, in my final term of my final year at University, I can finally say that my anxiety is not on the forefront of my daily worries. Sure. I have moments or even days when my it takes over, but it no longer has control over me and I can leave the house not having to think about ‘what happens if’….
To anyone who struggles with anxiety like me and is worried about going to University, I encourage you to take the leap as I know you will not regret it. There are so many wonderful people you will meet and so much help you can get from student support organisations whilst you’re there. Don’t let your anxiety stop you from experiencing the best days of your life.
