The Secret Life of a Sober Student
It’s Freshers Fayre at the University of Kent (UKC) and I am manning the stall of the ‘Are You Not Drinking Much?’ Society. I watch as a passer-by notices our stand, does a double-take, nudges his friend and has a good laugh before moving on, just as another student rushes over, eyes bright and beaming: “I’ve been looking for something just like this!”
I don’t drink; a trait often viewed as unusual in a country notorious for its binge-drinking culture and especially for a university student. The summer before I started at UKC I was certain of two things: university was the right step for me on my path forward and I really did not want to go.
Whenever anyone spoke to me about starting university or my friends gushed about how much fun they were going to have, they talked about the raucous parties and the nights spent getting wasted. And I would force a smile, nod politely and squirm internally with the growing fear that I wasn’t going to fit in.
The same story appeared in the “documentaries” I watched on life as a fresher; focusing only on the sex, booze and clubs. Nobody mentioned how difficult the transition was.
On my first night as a first year, my housemates knocked on my door, said they were going out and would I like to join them? I hesitated, thanked them for the invite, then declined. I knew I would’ve been miserable, but was that the cost of making friends? I spent the night instead laughing over episodes of ‘Modern Family’ then went to bed. When I woke the next morning I cried.
That day I went on a tour of the campus and they took us to all the student bars. Later I searched online for the location of my classes.
Then came Freshers Fayre, where all the university’s societies come together to present their individual activities and promote membership. I wandered through the throngs of students, dodging demonstrations and clutching various pamphlets that had been shoved into my hands, trying to read each sign without drawing the attention of their hawkeyed stall-attendants, and occasionally signing up to a mailing list. And then I saw the ‘Are You Not Drinking Much?’ (AYNDM) Society: a group for students to socialise and have fun, free from the pressure to drink. I made a beeline for them: “I’ve been looking for something just like this!”
Attending AYNDM, of course, didn’t make everything magically better. Workloads were still stressful, homesickness was still horrible, and I was still alone in a room full of strangers. But we were strangers on the same page and that made it easier. The hard truth is that the only way anything ever gets better is with time and perseverance.
Flash-forward to the present and I am in my final year, president of AYNDM, and I am happy.
We host an array of activities ranging from standard games nights and quizzes to the more unique ‘Christmas Cluedo’, ‘Where’s Wally’, ‘Café Crawl’ and so much more. The society gained official status the year before I started at UKC and to learn about its background and the reasons behind its creation I spoke with Harry Smith, founding president. He explained how he’d attended a similar society during his time at Reading University (‘RU Not Drinking Much?’):
“It helped me feel so much more at ease; having a like-minded group of people to chat with.” Harry said. “When I started at Kent, I knew I wanted to set up a similar society; to provide the same friendly environment and support network for other students who didn’t always want to go along with the expected behaviour of late night parties and drinking.”
It began over Facebook with first-year students messaging each other through the freshers’ group pages, asking if anyone else was interested in doing something that didn’t involve drinking. It soon evolved into regular meet-ups until Harry and his fellow founders applied to Kent Union for official society status.
“We were initially rejected.” Harry told me. “They said they didn’t see why a society like ours was needed, as all societies should already be offering non-alcoholic-focused evenings and ‘most do’. We didn’t accept this. We rewrote the society description, along with a letter to the union stating why a society like ours was, is and will always have a place at university. We also campaigned to show that we had the interest to back us up. Our second application was successful and since then the society has grown in strength.”
AYNDM has continued to flourish with a flux of new members joining every year. We have even been contacted by students attending other universities seeking advice on how to start a similar society of their own.
The point of my story is not to promote abstinence or shun the drinking majority. Whether we choose to drink or not we need to respect other people’s choices and no one should feel pressured to behave otherwise. Not all our members are non-drinkers like myself; most instead like an occasional drink but not to the extent that’s often encouraged. Others wanted an activity that didn’t result in a hangover, and a few were heavy drinkers looking for an alternative to curb the habit. We host a variety and all are welcome.
I want simply to show that an alternative lifestyle does exist. Not every student conforms to the boozing stereotype and that’s okay. It is possible to be sober and still have a great life at university.
And now as I finish typing this article, in time to meet with my friends and go gorge on some pancakes at the local café, I can confidentially say that so far university has been the hardest experience of my life and the best.
