The Struggles of Making Friends Abroad
Friendships are something that I see as extremely important, my friends are people who I can go to with my issues and who I know will give me advice and help me, and they are also people I know I’ll always have a good time and enjoy myself with. Most of my friendships are ones I’ve had for years and years, and so I’ve never had to really try to make new friends; but that all changed last year.
Last year, I had my year abroad and went to work in school in a small town in Northern Bavaria, Germany. My colleagues were lovely, the students were friendly, and the locals were welcoming. They also already had their own friends.
Maybe it’s a German thing, or a Bavarian thing, or maybe just a this-specific-town thing, but most of the people I met had friends in their villages who they had grown up and that they always hung out with and so they didn’t seem at all bothered about making any more friends, especially not with and English girl who was only there for a year.
This was tricky for me, not really knowing anyone made it hard to introduce myself into friend groups, and only being there for a year meant that no one really seemed interested in forming a friendship with me - why would they want to put effort into a friendship with someone who would be moving back to their home country in a few months, when they could just focus on the friends who live in their village?
Another struggle with making friends was the language barrier. Even though I speak German to a pretty high level, it can be intimidating to strike up conversation to natives who you’ve never spoken to before, and it’s even more daunting to speak in groups. It’s nerve wracking speaking to new people and trying to use the right grammar and form sentences correctly in your head is a difficult task. I also found that some people automatically assumed that I couldn’t speak German and therefore didn’t bother trying speaking to me because they couldn’t speak English, which of course made it even harder to make friends.
Despite these difficulties, I still want to go to Germany in the future and make friends, and these are some techniques that I’ll definitely be using:
The best way to make friends quickly is to find people who are in the same situation as you. Lots of people who did a year abroad made friends with other Erasmus students, and it’s then easier to make more friends as they can introduce you to new people, and it gives you someone to go to places with were you could meet new people.
Go to big town or city. The bigger the place, the bigger the population, meaning more possible friends. I often find that people in bigger places are more open to new people, while people from smaller areas tend to stick to who they know.
Be friendly. The best thing you can do when trying to make friends is to be someone that people would want to be friends with. Take the initiative, start conversations, ask questions, show interest in other people, and just be kind.
Friendships are so important and spending the time in Germany where I was thrown into the deep end and forced to make new friends really made me appreciate the close friendships I already have, and I left with some new, brilliant German friends (albeit not many!).
