This is me
I have had the privilege and curse to have spent most of my childhood travelling. Being the daughter of an ambassador, though challenging at times, allowed myself to be exposed to different experiences and cultures. I can honestly say that this is part of who I am as a person. I’ve developed a knack for adapting into new environments (and the ability to sleep quite well on moving transport.)
That being said there are disadvantages to it. I don’t feel like I have a home…anywhere.
I associate ‘home’ as the place my life is currently evolving in. When my friends go back to houses they have grown up in, with friends they have known for years, I can’t help but feel a sense of loss.
Having lived in over six places, consistently changing homes, friends, languages and schools (once even four schools in one year — which definitely affected the stability of my education), I tend to wish for a place that I can associate with comfort and stability.
The main stability that I have had though, is my family, which is why I consider myself to be extremely close to them. Up to two years ago, I’d moved and experienced all these situations throughout my life with the same three people, which is why moving to University was such a shock. The sense of newfound independence and the loss of having other people relying on you, felt almost cathartic yet incredibly lonely.
Every year got easier and the town at which my University is situated allowed me to feel more attached and reliant on it. The place where I got my first moments of independence is the place that I currently attach to as my “home”. The people, experiences and feelings I have had there, have made me the person that I currently am at this point of time.
I know I’ve definitely not become the person that I aim to be in the future. I, like everyone else can probably claim, have made mistakes and decisions that at points of time I wish I could take back, yet I’ve also made a lot of positive choices that I know contribute to the person I wish to be. That, is something which I tend to think about in great detail.
What kind of person do I want to be in the future?
What do I aim to accomplish?
I know I want to be more compassionate and understanding, let myself see the best in others instead of waiting for the worst. I also know that I want to be more open instead of protecting my emotions and feelings constantly. I’d like to put myself first instead of allowing other people’s happiness and desires to be my first priority.
The thing that I’m currently working on at the moment, is honesty. I tend to hide my emotions and repress thoughts in my head till I go crazy, even at times lying to myself. To try and push myself, I’ve found the best thing to do is to take at least 20–40 minutes a day and write it all down in a journal, every thought that passes in my mind, or something that I need to talk about that I can’t with anyone else. It’s funny, cause you think the easiest person to talk to would be yourself because it’s the one person that should know you the best. In reality, it’s the hardest person to face.
I look around me and I see all the influences, decisions and people that have impacted who I am today and as cliché as it sounds, I wouldn’t change any of them. (Hey, with the title ‘This is me’ to work with I knew it was bound to get cheesy at some point.) I am a strong believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason. We make our own goals and it’s up to us to accomplish them. We all have different backgrounds and lives but in all honesty, I believe we aren’t born with a purpose attached to us, we create our own purpose for being here. So that’s what I’ve decided to focus on at this point between my final term and graduating. Deciding what my purpose will be.
