This is Me
One of the most terrifying things I’ve ever had to do is describe myself. Be it in a class full of strangers, or for a writing assignment, it never ceases to fill me with dread. My heartbeat quickens at the prospect of defining and presenting myself in under a minute. Who am I? How can I tell you who I am in just a few short sentences? With a blank page, how do I illustrate my entire life, everything that makes me ‘me’ in one image?
There’s always the basic fact file; your name, how old you are, the place you grew up in, how many siblings you have, your hobbies and interests. And that’s easy enough to answer. My name is Ellen Hudson, and I recently turned 21. I was born and raised in Lucan, which is just outside Dublin city, and I’m currently taking a year abroad in Canterbury. I’m an only child, but that has only strengthened my relationships with my close friends and my parents. I love drama and music, and writing when I get the chance.
But that is only the surface. There’s so much more to a person than those mere statements. The deeper things that you’d never admit to a bunch of strangers. Your strongest hopes and desires. The things that keep you up at night, racked with anxiety. The good parts of your personality, and the bad ones. Laying yourself bare, for better or worse, is an increasingly rare occurrence. And I will be the first to admit that, especially on social media, I am careful about what I do and do not project. But, one of my most defining traits (or so I’ve been told) is my willpower. I’m the type of person to make a New Years resolution and stick to it, no matter what. So, in trying to delve deeper into who I am, I’m going to try and be completely honest.
I’m addicted to caffeine. Well, addicted might be a slight understatement. Last summer, my family purchased a Nespresso machine and my life has never been the same. I drink a minimum of two cups of coffee a day (when my budget can allow it). In fact, all this week I have been cranky and constantly tired. I put it down to the start of term, trying to get back into a routine of going to the gym and classes, and still trying to find time to socialise. It took until I read a tweet about coffee for me to realise that I hadn’t drank a cup of coffee in nearly six days. Needless to say, it took me no longer than five minutes to get myself the largest double espresso I could find.
I’m indecisive. Making decisions and committing to them is something I really struggle with. Even deciding what to write in this article was difficult. I’m a nightmare at restaurants, and not just because I’m a fussy eater. I’m the kind of person that always has to make a split decision when the waiter comes. But when I do make a decision, my determination really shines. Like my resolutions every year, once I set myself a task or a challenge I will go above and beyond to achieve it. Of course, getting started can be tough due to my serial procrastination, but once I get going there’s no stopping me.
Take my year abroad for example. When I found out one week before I left for Canterbury that I would be the only person from my university in Ireland going, I was filled with anxiety. But, I had made my decision. So I took the plunge. I proved to myself how brave and independent I could be. And I’m so glad I did. This time abroad, in entirely new surroundings, and completely isolated from friends and family, made me push myself and really realise my full potential.
Attempting to describe oneself is entirely narcissistic. I could attempt to keep going, but I’m almost at a loss for words. There’s only so much I can put into words about who I am without sounding overly dramatic, or like I’m begging for acceptance. Perhaps I’m still not completely sure who I am either.
When I turned 21 just over three weeks ago, I was given the most beautiful gift from my dad. A small notebook, filled with memories and stories of my childhood and growing up. A lifetime of memories came flooding back; all the events and moments that shaped me and developed me as a person. And it is all these small moments, the treasured everyday that really makes a person. This is me.
Edited with thanks to Elena
