This is Me
The problem with ME is that I like too many things. My Grandad has often told me how great it is that I’m an ‘all-rounder’. I was quite athletic back in my primary school days — competed in sprinting and gymnastics, and at the same time, I was praised because I was good at spelling tests, and I liked to write stories. So sure, that’s a nice selection of hobbies. These days, on the other hand, I don’t even think you could call it all-roundedness. These days, it’s more of the fact that I’m easily fixated on too many things at once. ‘There’s nothing wrong with that, means you’ve got lots to choose from’, my mum, being an optimist, tries to tell me. But she’s wrong. There’s so much wrong with it.
Just to give you a little example, I get a little bit too carried away with my hobbies; I really enjoy knitting, so now I want to set up my own knitting business…
I mean, really?
I can’t choose a career. I can’t stick to one hobby exclusively enough to excel at it. I could barely even choose a degree. I’m extremely indecisive and it scares me. That’s what’s bad about it. Whilst all my friends are sailing through their career paths, I will be bobbing along in an endless stream of unmade decisions. (I’d just like to point out that I’m an English Language and Linguistics student, who loves Maths. I don’t think that’s normal, is it? At one point (not too long ago) I was going to study Astrophysics and become an Astronaut).
*sigh
However, the thing I want to know is: do we actually need to make up our minds…ever? Can’t we just hop from one career prospect to another endlessly as we age? Can’t we have multiple, simultaneous careers? Because that would make the current stage in my life a lot easier. If I choose one thing now, I will be missing out on all the other careers and hobbies that I could possibly do. This upsets me.
Even more so, it’s not like they are temporary phases similar to when you’re a child, obsessed with your new toy, and then a week passes and it has already begun its dust-collecting process. It’s also more than just choosing a career or a hobby. I have many daily struggles of attempting to make decisions which are simple for most, but almost impossible for me. It’s the little things like deciding what to wear, choosing to watch a film or read a book. Each decision triggers mentally-exhausting battles of thoughts.
Being at university has opened my eyes to so many new things…oh great! More things that I want to do! Every opportunity that they offer I have to make the most of. And why not? Isn’t that the whole point of being at university? It’s normal to have so many curiosities whilst at uni, isn’t it?
I think the main factor behind all of my struggles is the fact that I’m very open-minded. I’m not overtly opinionated on many things as I like to listen to different views. I’m not strict in the way that I think, and I’m open to any reasoning or point of view that comes from different people.
Overall, when I have to describe myself, I think it’s best to say that I’m an indecisive, open-minded, curious girl of 20. Of course there are other ways to describe ‘me’, but I guess this aspect of my life tends to stand out to me the most. In fact, it may be a good idea to talk about it…I may figure out a way to change my perspective on the problem…
Maybe one day, my indecisiveness will bring great fortune. Just imagine, I stumble across a job vacancy which requires the employee to play the piano, ballroom dance, write, perform a tumble sequence AND knit beanie hats!
(Probably not, but you never know).
Nevertheless, this is me… can I accept it now that it has been written down? Possibly…I will have to see how I feel once I have made the dreaded daily decision of choosing an outfit.
…do I wear the same thing that I wore yesterday? The outfit which keeps me really warm, and it is freezing outside. But then I risk people noticing that I’m wearing the same clothes again, so I should go for something different which doesn’t keep me warm in the slightest just so that I can avoid feeling paranoid that people will know…
But I’ll be cold…
Twenty minutes later, that decision still hasn’t been made. So I will conclude here. What I really need, in life, is a sprinkle of pixie dust. This way I can magically become a normal, opinionated, decisive decision-maker.
… Or I find that this overload of interests has benefits which I’m currently on my way to figuring out?
That would be nice.
Edited with thanks to Muriel Marie Magon.
Edited with thanks to @elenakalf
