What WE Men Can Do To Make Women Feel Safer
Disclaimer: CW sexual assault
My name is Darius, I’m 24 years old, and I have the privilege of being a white(ish) male. For years, I’ve been able to walk home after work and parties on my own without having the fear to be assaulted by someone. The chance of that is really low because I’m a man.
Of course, men can be robbed and attacked as well. But in comparison with the number of female victims. Statistically, I can feel pretty safe about strolling through the streets at night.
Sarah Everard couldn’t say the same.
Everard went missing on the 3rd of March, after walking back home from her friend’s house. She was never seen again. One week later, human remains were found, and a Met officer was arrested.
Browsing through social media, there are many supportive comments for women and justified criticism on politics, police officers, and men. Unfortunately, a lot of people — mainly men — started to blame the victim.
“She should have taken a taxi back home.”
“I bet she was dressed like a slut.”
“Women should not be in the dark on their own.”
This psychological phenomenon is literally called victim-blaming. It is often very subtle and unconscious, based on a disturbed perception of reality. Every person naturally thinks they are always right, and they would never do anything bad. So, if somebody with similar characteristics — in this case being a male — does something bad, a person would link that behaviour to themselves at first. And find excuses why somebody like them would do a criminal act, somehow defending someone they don’t even know. Blaming the victim is basically avoiding admitting any flaws in their own behaviour, especially if the victims are different.
While many men would agree with the quotes above, let’s think about a similar example.
“If you don’t have any money on you, you can’t get robbed.”
This statement makes as much sense as the statements mentioned earlier. Of course, if I don’t have any money on me, I can’t get robbed. But I also can’t buy anything, which makes going shopping pointless. And going shopping is a fundamental right for me, isn’t it?
It’s as much as a right as women being able to walk around on their own without being scared to be attacked.
So, blaming the victims would indicate that they could change something to make fewer attacks possible. Calling a cab, changing routes, pretending to be on the phone. Or never leave the house.
All those suggestions are deep cuts into the rights of women and human in general. Thus, not women (or people who don’t identify themselves as men) have to change but the group of people having a higher probability to be an attacker: Men.
The bare minimum men can do to make women feel safer:
- When a woman is bothered or in a precarious situation, walk over and support the person. Offer to call the police or a supportive service. (But DO NOT try to intervene in a too dangerous situation!)
- If you hear your friends talking about women in a derogatory way, tell them to stop it and explain that it isn’t okay. Do not tolerate that kind of speech. It signals that you would be okay with degrading women. If your friends are not willing to change, you might wanna find new friends.
- If a woman is walking alone in front of you at night, try to cross the road and overtake her. Make your face visible. Don’t walk right behind her at the same speed. That would even scare me.
- If you’re running towards a woman at night, keep your distance. Be as loud as possible to make the person aware of you. Another way to let somebody not feel anxious
But most importantly: Believe them! (This also goes for people of any gender)
I have some friends who have been sexually assaulted and mistreated. And not even their closest friends would believe them. The number of men being falsely accused is lower than people being killed in car accidents. Women, who’ve had such a traumatic experience, need people who believe and support them, not claiming they’re liars or deserving of that treatment.
Encourage them to report.
Women (and any other gender) should be able to have the same rights and freedom as we men. The things I listed here are the least we can do.
Further readings:
