Why “Where Are You From?” Is an Offensive Question
Offensive Conversations
Since going to university in England as an international student, I’ve been asked this question, “Where are you from?” a countless number of times. The moment I answer, I know exactly how this conversation is going to play out. How they are going to react and what they’re going to say. One particular conversation that stands out to me is when I visited the CCCU (Canterbury Christ Church University) campus with a few friends of mine:
“Are you from India?” asked one of the students there.
“No,” I replied.
“Where are you from?”
“Japan.”
“What? But you look like this.”
“I’m half Japanese and half Indian.”
Their faces said it all. Disbelief.
Do you see what is happening here?
People already have these assumptions/ideas in their head about who you are, and when this doesn’t match up with your answer, they don’t like it. They don’t believe it. They’re thrown off balance. Some of the time this is because of pure ignorance, however other times, the people asking these questions have clear preconceptions about your perceived race or ethnicity.
They want to fit you in one box.
Therefore, I am forced to justify who I am and to prove my ethnicity to them. I’m half Japanese and half-Indian is an answer I’ve come up with that I think best conveys who I am and my cultural identity, but also to explain myself to people when I really shouldn’t have to.
This question of, “Where are you from?” is a problematic and restricting question. It’s simply a bad question to ask someone you’re trying to get to know for the first time.
Let’s dig a little deeper to explore why this is the case.
Problematic Aspects
1. People’s identities can be more complex and diverse than you think.
Not every person has a singular nation or culture they identify with or can call home. There are many kinds of people out there who can relate to this, which include immigrants, bi-racials, international school students, those who have travelled and lived in various countries, and many others. These groups of people can be better understood with the term of liminal identity. According to the Oxford Handbook of Identities in Organizations, “Liminality is the individual or group experience of being betwixt and between states, roles, and/or identities.” In other words, when identity rests in multiplicity than in a singular identity; liminals act as the bridgewalkers.
I most certainly identify with having a liminal identity, being born and brought up in Japan but also within an Indian household. Both Japanese and Indian cultures are a part of me, I am not whole without either; I am always in-between the two. My parents also moved from India to Japan 20 plus years ago and gained a permanent residency. Although the terms for first and second generation immigrants (a native-born person with at least one foreign-born parent) are mainly used in the US and UK, they are still universal terms, and I identify as a second generation immigrant.
If you are interested in hearing more about my story, I was blessed with a chance opportunity to be interviewed by TAKAShii from Japan and you can listen to the video here!
My main point is that one’s cultural identity doesn’t necessarily equate to only/just their ethnic origins.
2. The question itself is a form of microaggression.
I find that intention behind this question and following responses/reactions although sometimes can be out of pure curiosity and awe, other times can be racist, especially when what they’re really asking is,
“Where are your really from?” as in what is your ethnic origin.
The problem with this question is the assumption that you must be of a certain race to associate yourself with a certain cultural background or identity, and this underlying assumption alienates and disregards the person.
It is the subtle commonplace exchanges, like when meeting someone for the first time and being asked such a question that over time builds up feelings of frustration in them due to the inherent othering on an everyday basis.
Alternatives
So if this is the case, what can you ask people instead?
Think about what would be a better way to connect with and understand someone. Why not ask them, “What is your story?,” or “Could you tell me your story?” These are more objective ways of asking people where they are from or what their backgrounds are. I know some people, especially introverts, don’t feel comfortable sharing about themselves to people they’ve only just met, however, they shouldn’t feel pressured to do so. The point is that it’s their choice as to how much they want to share about themselves, and most of all, that they don’t feel pressured to justify or explain their existence to a complete stranger, or anyone.
