‘Women Don’t Owe You Pretty’ — what I have learnt about myself and the world around me.
“Life’s too short not to love the shit out of yourself”
‘Women Don’t Owe You Pretty’ by Florence Given is a true game changer in the name of Feminism. It’s my bible, my book of worship and it has taught me more about myself in the last year than I think I’ve known for the whole of my life. It tackles many of the taboo subjects that us, as women (or men), may be too scared to talk about. From internalised misogyny to masturbation, heteronormativity to the topics of rape culture and slut-shaming, and most importantly — the narrative we’ve been fed our whole lives which complies to the out-dated ways of the patriarchy.
One of the key messages that really has stayed with me from reading this book, is that as a woman, you’re either desired or respected. And this depends wholly on your appearance, the more feminine you are, the more “desirable” you are. ‘Self-love’ and ‘self-care’ has been regarded as entirely reliant on grooming — whether you shave, whether you wear makeup, your body shape -even though this is all short-term validation. When actually, self-love has nowt to do with the way you look — but instead the way you see yourself and accepting you for who you are, not who you’re perceived to be.
“Women don’t exist to satisfy the male gaze”
This progressive book explores this forbidden idea of internalised misogyny, something I wasn’t aware about until a few months ago — Given accurately described it as “the silent, insidious killer of progress, and when it shows up in our lives it can make us act out in all kinds of ugly ways”. It’s normal to judge, and we all do it — but we shouldn’t be finding comfort in other women’s flaws, especially since it was a capitalism construct to basically compete for male competition. I used to find myself judging beautiful women on ANYTHING I could think of, their sex-lives, their clothes, their demeanour… why is this? Because I was reflecting my insecurities back onto myself — an idea which seems absurd in practice, but we all do it. Women support women, right?
“A women should have the right to choose what she wants for herself, just as men have the right to”
As well as all of this, it tackles the topics of rape-culture and consent, something that is crucial for any young girl to read. Not only how to recognise a dangerous situation, but also how to ask for consent yourself. And that’s the beauty of this book, the simplicity yet sincerity of the wording and the bright colours and pictures make it not only an easy read, but also an enjoyable read despite all of the topics being somewhat daunting. A book which I wish I had access to when I was 16 years old. It also taught me a lot about marginalised groups of society, and most importantly to me as a straight, cisgender, white woman — it taught me how to check my privilege and how I should be using my privilege to support the unprivileged in any way I can.
An easy-to-read, must-have novel for any women — or any man, that wants to get to know themselves on a deeper and more intimate level. I have only mentioned a few things that struck out to me within the book, but there are countless topics/lessons to be learnt. It may seem like an attack on men or maybe even an attack on yourself, but I just see it as an easy way to perhaps educate yourself and come out the other side a more understanding and empathetic person.
