You can quit perfectionism too
Ever since I can remember I had to give my best in everything I did because people would not love me any other way. I used to think they would abandon me if I were not useful to them, so I ended up becoming my worst enemy. I happened to be constantly evaluating and comparing myself to unrealistically high standards. The social pressure can contribute to self-criticism, creating a destructive internal dialogue that undermined my self-esteem.
My breaking point came when a simple after-school assignment completely overwhelmed me. The frustration of being unable to achieve impossible goals and the feeling of failure can be powerful allies that leave you completely disarmed. I was very lucky to have a teacher who noticed the situation and was willing to help me regain what was rightfully mine.
He made me realize that the constant negative self-evaluation was undermining my confidence and preventing me from enjoying my accomplishments. It was finally the moment to make amends with the past and embrace a new narrative of self-compassion and acceptance.
The first step to start changing the negative thought patterns is to acknowledge and question the critical voices in your head, I accepted that perfection was not attainable, and that vulnerability and mistakes were natural parts of life. My teacher told me something that now I always try to remember when writing any piece: something is perfect when it does not lack anything, not when you put more than what you have in it. This became my mantra and I stopped focusing on trying to make things seem better when they were already good enough.
The second step you need to take in the journey towards auto-acceptance is to start using positive affirmations to counteract self-criticism and incorporate self-compassion into your daily routine. I learned to treat myself with the same kindness I would extend to a friend in difficult times, recognizing that self-deprecation was not constructive or necessary. That is the trap of perfectionism, it makes you believe that by trying to be perfect all the time you are a better person but in reality, it only drains your energy and it ends up causing the opposite effect.
Once you reject this little demon you carry on your shoulder, you will see how your internal dialogue changes and the profound impact this has on your mental health. Self-acceptance not only improved my self-esteem as now I do not feel the need to be always perfect to be loved, but also strengthened my emotional resilience. Learning to accept my imperfections and mistakes allowed me to face challenges with a more positive and constructive attitude, which contributed to greater emotional stability.
This is how I got out of a toxic relationship with myself and just like my teacher guided me through the process, I wanted to write this so you who are reading this, know that by giving up what you consider to be your biggest strength, you will learn that true strength lies in the acceptance of our humanity and the ability to grow through it.
