Trick is Trash: And Other Spooky Halloween Stories

In honor of paganism, I was actually going to go to the ole photo editor to superimpose Trick’s face on a jack-o-lantern or something, but I think this is scary enough. Photo credit: Trick Daddy Mixtape Ride Out

For those not in the know, legendary Miami rapper Trick Daddy recently horrified the Black community with a rather impromptu — yet somehow right on time — attack on black women. The video was posted to Trick’s Instagram account. I’ve toiled to translate the 305 transcript as follows:

These Spanish and these white h**s, they just started getting finer than a motherf****r. Y’all black h**s better tighten up. I’m telling you, tighten up. Y’all doing all that extra s**t for nothing. You not achieving nothing, b***h. You get ya a*s done, ya t*****s done, and ya paying $150 to get your makeup done just to go to a m********’ local club, b***h. Tighten up, h*. These Spanish and these white h**s is getting very spiffy on y’all. They f**k around and learn how to fry chicken you h**s is useless

Naturally, black women et al. doled out some treats of their own, ranging from questions implicating the black womanness of Trick’s own mother, to comments pondering the pleasantness of Trick’s own general appearance, to a blog post entitled: “A White or ‘Spanish’ Woman Can Have Trick Daddy”.

The “Negro” Trade

For those also not in the know, the transatlantic slave trade somehow ghoulishly morphed into something like fantasy football within the Black community, best exemplified by blog posts like “A White or ‘Spanish’ Woman Can Have Trick Daddy”, and best described by Dave Chappelle’s classic sketch “The Racial Draft”, wherein members of the “Black Delegation” “put up” problematic black people for review to be eventually traded to another race. It’s not totally unlike how some Muslims disown extreme jihadist Muslims by proclaiming “they’re not Muslim”, but since we can’t really say someone is not black (meaning brown), the Black community settles for trades and outright relinquishment. Examples have included:

1. Raven-Symoné

2. Ben Carson

3. Clarence Thomas

4. Charles Barkley

5. Stacey Dash, and possibly Kanye West

Examples have also included black people with whom the Delegation has been willing to trade for less problematic white people.

By and large, however, even members of the Black community from the 305 (who ride hard for Miami-Dade) moved to immediately veto Trick, apprehensive but nonetheless consoled by the remains of Miami princess (and former Trick protégé) Trina. Miami-born and long-time Trick Stan Kid Fury, of the popular weekly podcast The Read with Crissle (West), for instance, couldn’t even bring himself to repeat Trick’s entire diatribe last Thursday. But, honestly, what did we expect? Just last June, Trick haunted us on Facebook Live, spitting on the camera and threatening an anonymous ghost woman that he’d pull her lace wig off and drag her raggedy ass, bitch, as an unidentified woman, seemingly unphased, creepily used a blender in the background. In March 2009, on The Rickey Smiley Morning Show, Trick addressed public worries about his appearance by revealing that he had (Discoid) Lupus, a chronic autoimmune disease in which the body’s immune system attacks healthy organs and tissues. He then went on to explain how he had discontinued treatment due to chafing lifestyle restrictions and medication that necessitated more medication to offset side effects. In July 2014, during a VLAD TV interview, Trick alluded to medication as a Ponzi scheme while proclaiming wonderful health due to a “ghetto diet” of smoking boonk, eating a lot of booty, vodka, sucking a lot of p***y, pork and, of course, water.

Hm.

This most certainly sounds like a collection of scary, glow-in-the-dark skeletal formulas for the genre of horror. About the downward spiral of the tortured celebrity? Or the projected self-hatred of the oppressed? Latent misogyny from a man who has several times professed having a mother who had 11 kids by 10 different men? Or better yet, who cares? It’s obvious that Trick not only has issues, but also loves black women. Believe it or not, people say and do terrible things to people they love all the time. If anything, Trick’s whole rant struck me as a sort of hooked on phonics doppelgänger of Bill Cosby’s infamous “Pound Cake” Speech to the Black community in 2004.

Tighten up, pull ya pants up

Get ya shit together ho

“You Don’t Know Nann Nigga”.