Premiering on HBO in 2020, I May Destroy You is show that follows the life of a woman who has recently been sexually assaulted. In the 12 Episode series, writer and lead actress Michaela Coel depicts the events that follow an assault in a way that has never been done before. Like many other victims, it begins with denial. That is the thing, no one thinks it could happen to them until it actually does; and Coel does a wonderful job depicting this. The purpose of this blog post is not to discuss the synopsis of the show, but rather reveal the ways in which the writer accurately depicts assault for the first time in TV history.
Growing up, if I watched a film where a woman was assaulted, it always played out the same way. Honestly, it was clear that a man was directing it. Call me crazy but most women don’t have this sudden glow-up after being assaulted. Call me even crazier, but most women do not get over assault after meeting a “shy, cute boy” in a coffee shop who suddenly makes her see that all men aren’t terrible. And please don’t get me started on the scenes in which the girl slowly slides down the door of her room while a sad song plays and wakes up suddenly ready to take on the world. It’s almost embarrassing that these pieces are released, creating unrealistic expectations after assault. Don’t get me wrong, I May Destroy You does have unrealistic aspects, but the way in which Arabella, the main character, deals with assault does not.
With Arabella, it’s unpredictable what she’s feeling. Some days she wakes up happy, motivated enough to finish her book. Other days, she smokes and questions if she’ll ever be okay. She makes jokes about her trauma, something I’ve never seen happen in a piece that depicts assault, yet it is something so common. We’re allowed to laugh at our own trauma, it isn’t always thunder and lightning. But, the most important part of the show is that she continues to live her life. She continues to laugh, she continues to drink, she continues to go out, she continues to be herself, and most importantly, she accepts that while a part of her died that night, a part of her was reborn. That’s the thing with these other bullshit pieces, life doesn’t stop. As cliche as it sounds, life stops for no one. These scenes we watch in theaters in which a woman is on either side of the extremes, either locked up in her room or continuing to function completely okay is so narrow and honestly, it’s bullshit.
The point is, this show isn’t about being assaulted, it’s about what follows and what it reveals is so important. You’ll continue to go to work, you’ll continue to have good days, you’ll continue to have bad days, you’ll continue to live. Yes, everything changes. Yes, you’ll always remember the assault. Yes, it will fuck with your head. But no, life won’t stop. No, some people won’t care. And no, it won’t destroy you. So, don’t lose hope. It does get better, I promise.
