Fake Teacher
The Substitute
Fifth grade students were given a worksheet. Their goal, written on the board, was to be able to answer questions from their textbooks. Worksheets were pushed off desks and onto the floor. I offered to help everyone. I said I’d read for them if they wanted, so they could hear the answers. Scolding retorts informed me that they had already read this stuff with their teacher.
Students proceeded to walk around the room, argue loudly, wrestle with each other, laugh loudly together, toss pencils at each other, fold paper into airplanes, fix each other’s hair, play with gooey stuff, draw pictures, ask me for things ranging from tape and band aids to nurse, bathroom, locker, water-drink and other teacher passes, and generally express dread for their worksheet. Dread to even look at the first question on the social studies worksheet.
I announced that I was coming around the room to be sure each student had put their name on their worksheet. That triggered many pencil demands (I need a pencil!) with students coming forward to painstakingly articulately time-consumingly exchange their student IDs for a pencil and alas; a pencil-sharpening frenzy!
I roam the room checking for names on papers. I say over and over again that I will help you if you would like. I can read for you. I can help you find the pages. Whatever help you need. All only to hear, No-o-o-o. We know what we’re doing.
At last, a lone student comes to me with his paper and says he has finished. I look at his work. It is good. He asks what he should do now. I tell him to take a Chrome Book, if he wants. Otherwise, I have other worksheets, if he wants. He takes the Chrome Book. Suddenly, two, three, four students are challenging me, asking why he gets to have a Chrome Book. Because he did his work, I respond.
A student approaches me, asking, can you help me? Of course, I glee. Grab a chair. I pull out the leaf and open the text book. Question: Why was the First Continental Congress named that? We find the page and the book says, because it was the first ever gathering in North America of the group …. And I show the student, there you go, that’s what you write. He says, what? I tell him just to write it. It’s a worksheet. It’s the first time the colonists ever gathered so it’s the first continental congress. Write fast.
Next question: what’s the first thing they did? The word petition is bold faced and highlighted yellow in the text book. I point at the word, pull my hand away, because that’s my bitten fingernail, and quickly put the other finger on the word and tell him, there it is! They petitioned! Do you know what that means? Pretty much, duh, is his response. So I ask him, do you like your school’s dress code? Definitely no is his response. Well did you know, it is legal in our school, in our town, in our country for you to protest? He just looks at me. You could take a piece of paper and write on the top of it, I do not like our school’s dress code. I think it should be stopped. Then, below, you could sign your name. You could take this paper to all your friends, the people in your class, and every single student in your school — and ask them if they agree with what you wrote on the paper and ask them to sign their name on the paper. Then when you get a gazillion people to sign it, you get it to the school board so they know so many of you hate the dress code. He looks at me. He asks, The school board? How do I do that? Well, just take your petition to Mrs. Coleman (the principal) and ask her to take it to the board for all of you. His face brightens, like that is totally doable. Okay, do you think you could do this petition in another country, say Russia? He stares at me. How about China? He definitely says no. I point to the word highlighted in the book. See? They petitioned and we now get to petition things and it is our right, it is legal and we can change and fix things. What did the first continental congress petition for?
He’s looking in the book and I’m jubilating inside myself. They wanted the king to know they wanted their rights! That he had to stop….look at the picture….see the red coats and the lady with her baby crying? They’re taking her stuff, her barrel, her food, and they’re pointing their swords at her. What was the date deadline the first continental congress gave the king (next worksheet question, which in my opinion is asinine — those “date” questions, and I tell the kid the question is stupid but just answer it since our finger is right there on top of it). Come on. Let’s get done so you can get your Chrome Book. Next question. What were the rights the petition demanded?
I just point to it in the book saying go ahead, write it down fast. You can just write, Life and Liberty. Or if you want the rest of the book’s paragraph, you can also write, the right to assemble to gather, and…can’t remember the last one in the book. And then I ask him, do you know what the right to life and liberty means? He shakes his head no. Well it means we get to live, and that nobody can shoot us down just because we’re black. He really looks at me now. Did you know some policemen shoot black men just for being black men? He is looking at me. They have the right to life. I point aggressively at the sentence in the book. Look at the picture in the book! Those red coats would slit that lady’s throat or shoot her husband if they resisted to them while taking their food and other stuff. So the first continental congress told the king they had the right to life! Black men today also have the right to life. IT IS IN OUR CONSTITUTION. IT IS YOUR CONSTITUTION. THIS IS YOUR COUNTRY. YOU HAVE TO GROW UP AND MAKE SURE YOU KEEP YOUR RIGHT TO LIFE! This kid is captivated. Like no one ever said this to him before.
We go on something like this to finish the rest of his questions on the worksheet. The bell rings and he never does get to use a Chrome Book. I give him a bunch of pretzel points and it’s all good.
The same thing repeats with the next class, with two instead of one student getting the above experience. Three reached in one day of a substitute teacher’s life. None of those nasty stressful misbehaviors can ever overshadow the glory of those three amazing connections.
If only I wasn’t fake.
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