MWC Honorable Mention

At 40, I Was Scared to Enter the Dating Pool Again

Plunging into online dating is a daunting experience

Kelly Eden | Essayist | Writing Coach
With Love
Published in
5 min readAug 12, 2021

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Photo by margot pandone on Unsplash

One of the kids in my swimming class was terrified of the deep pool. I found his mother sitting poolside and asked if he’d had any traumatic experiences that might have caused it.

“No,” she replied. “It’s me. I’m afraid of the water. I won’t even go in up to my knees.” She’d had a near-drowning experience in her early twenties and hadn’t been in the water since. To help her son with his fear, though, she agreed to work with me on her own.

That’s how I felt entering the dating pool again after 15 years of marriage — I was too afraid to even go knee deep.

My close group of friends after divorce were all single women. They were younger than me and using Tinder most weekends. They made it look easy and, hanging out with them, I started to wonder if I was ready to get my own feet wet. The idea of dating again after a failed relationship was scary but, after 15 years of marriage, dating had also changed. I hadn’t dated much at all before marriage. I’d had two long-term boyfriends in my twenties and then married the third.

Tinder felt like launching off the high-diving board. Except it wouldn’t be a graceful…

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Kelly Eden | Essayist | Writing Coach
With Love

New Zealand-based essayist | @ Business Insider, Mamamia, Oh Reader, Thought Catalog, ScaryMommy and more. Say hi at https://becauseyouwrite.substack.com/