Unapologetically Us
A collection of advice for young LGBTQIA+ advertising talent
Pride is one of my favorite times of year. My social feeds and streets are flooded with images and words of love, acceptance, hope and joy of all shapes, sizes, spectrums, and colors. It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing.
How do we take all that magic and extend it past June? How do we make sure the queer ad community’s experiences reach those figuring out how to bring (or not bring) their identity to work?
I reached out to some of We Are Next’s LGBTQIA+ readers, guests, supporters and family for their best advice for those in the community just starting their advertising careers. Their responses were swift, supportive, thoughtful—and filled with Pride. Whether it’s practical advice, inspiration, or a little bit of hope, I hope their words stay with you for the rest of the year (and beyond).
It can be worrying to come out at work, but my experience has been one of total acceptance. I told my closest work friends first, and that gave me the confidence to be more open at the office. Working in a creative industry also really helps! However, if you feel like coming out at work might not go well, remember that there is no shame in keeping your identity to yourself for awhile — taking care of your well-being is always the priority. And don’t hesitate to reach out to other ad queers — there are lots of us here, happy to help!
- Bring your authentic self to work every day. My experience has been all over the place, and I sometimes I don’t know if it’s because of my sexuality or my race. Regardless, be yourself.
- You do not have to be everyone’s LGBTQIA+ teacher. Knowledge is often free, so don’t forget that you reserve the right to not educate every person you encounter. Preserve your energy and do what feels right.
- Back to my first note, seriously, bring your true self to work. In my opinion, visibility is so important, especially in work environments. We’re not all the same, so being you is the best version of yourself you could ever be for our community.
Prior to starting your career, utilize your networks to discern which companies and agencies are more LGBTQ+ friendly. A great metric that I like to use is the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index, which is the national benchmarking tool on corporate policies and practices pertinent to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer employees. Go on informational interviews and ask about the services and resources available to LGBTQ+ employees. An HR person who is able to speak about such resources with ease is usually a good sign.
Sometimes, financial stressors or the urgency of finding a job may pressure you into working for a company that still has a lot of room for improvement. But, understand that your safety comes first. If you feel that coming out will compromise your safety, know that it’s okay to not be out!
To mitigate these difficult situations:
- Find your allies. Locate the people who will speak up for you. A great place to start looking is in the Employee Resource Groups that your company might offer. And if none exist and you have the bandwidth, see if you can start one! You never know how many people may also be struggling with expressing their identity at work who can benefit from one person speaking up.
- Know that you can always find community support outside of work. If you are able to, research which cities are more LGBTQ+ friendly. For example: as a Queer Person of Color who went to college in Boston, I probably won’t be starting my career in Boston (it’s a lil racist imo). Instead, I may look for jobs in cities like New York or Chicago where I know that I can readily find community support outside of work.
Have confidence in the fact that your lived experiences and identities will offer a value to your company. Take pride in the fact that queer people are such an important part of culture. “We are powerful not despite the complexities of our identities, but because of them.”
If all else fails (this is the tip that I’ve found to be the most fueling), be UNDENIABLE. Strive to be so great and irreplaceable that you’re allowed to be your most authentic self in the workplace.
I’m still figuring out how to bring all of me to work. It’s not something I actively hide, and if someone asked me directly, I don’t think I’d lie about it. But my identity isn’t something I want to talk about in-depth with coworkers (yet). Partially because it’s new to me, and partially because I don’t want to be defined by just who I love. My goal is to be out at work—I’m just taking my time to get there. I think everyone needs to do what feels right to them, so to anyone who isn’t ready to be out, know that it’s okay!
I’m a strong advocate of expressing your perspective. Perspective is what you bring the workplace. It is the filter of your skillset. Belonging to the “rainbow spectrum” is part of your perspective. Your perspective is valuable, so trust it. And when it’s necessary, assert it. Much of the media’s misrepresentation of our community is due to lack of real understanding, exposure, and experience. When I realized that I could affect that, I asserted my perspective more. Your very presence could indeed create the change you want to see around you. When you’re unapologetically yourself, your peers will see a human being, and not just “target demo behaviors” on a piechart. The realness of you? Your workplace needs that.
But if you’re not there — where you’re ready to let your spectrum perspective fly, it’s all good. Your experiences and how they have terraformed your outlook will ensure you make the best decisions for your life. But know this, there is a big difference between discretion and imposed silence. If you feel like you’re in an environment where you can’t be your queer self in entirety — speak up and create change or GTFO. Your health is your wealth, not a 401k.
If you’re open and proud; be just that. I came into my role being who I am, and being proud of that. They hire you not only for your talent, but for your personality and who you are as a person.
If you’re not comfortable expressing your identity at work, I totally empathize and get it. It’s tough, scary, and you can still lose your job and still be targeted. I would say take your time and feel it out. It’s not, “Hey I’m Gay!” explicit as soon as you get to the office; but rather when conversations come up, you should be able to talk freely about your sexual orientation. Get yourself to a point where you can talk to some people in the office about your experiences, get them to go out with you, but better yet — get them to see you for you, not for a tiny part of the puzzle that makes you, you. I first started in my little network of new hire friends and took them out to one of the better Gay bars in the area and they got to see how fun and accepting this community is. You see their lifestyle, so make sure they can see yours too.
Overall, being part of the LGBTQIA+ community is something to be proud of. You should be proud of who you are, and we should strive to be visible as visibility matters.
Be patient and brave with yourself. You’re not going to find every environment is openly accepting or willing to learn, though I like to hope we are progressing toward that. You don’t owe your open identity to anyone, and don’t pressured to come out. But know that if or when you do, you will be opening the door for so many people who see themselves in you to be fully comfortable and confident.
Identifying as queer is still something that can take time for me to do openly in professional and personal spaces, but I strive to do it. I’m fortunate be in circles that are accepting of who I am. I didn’t see openly queer and successful Asian American women in the paths I hoped to take, and still can’t think of many. So I didn’t know if everyone successful was just straight, or I needed to keep my mouth shut.
Being out at work has worked best for me when I’ve understood where I am coming from, identified my advocates, stood up for my beliefs (in and outside of queerness), and established trust in the office. When I wasn’t ready to be fully out at work, I confided in my work mentors, best friends, and group texts so I had solace somewhere. Through the powers they invested in me, I learned that you might not look like everyone in your marketing textbooks, but they’ve been outdated anyway. I (and you!) can be cool, clean, queer, and a success.
I’m the North American Strategy Director at OLIVER, and having worked in different places (including brand side in the outdoor industry), I have come to care a lot about bringing my queerness to work. I want to use my position and my relationship with clients to advocate for LGBTQ+ diversity, inclusion, and issues. It’s important to me that I push for inclusion in everything I do. Photoshoots, copy, target audience definition, presentations, etc.
Practicing self-love and acceptance is never an easy task, especially at the start of your career when you want to blend in and be liked by everyone. However, the start of your career is the crucial moment for you to be unapologetic and embrace your individuality. While not everyone is granted the opportunity to truly express themselves due to safety or personal reasons, there are ways for every person to honor who they are and what sets them apart.
For instance, when you are applying and interviewing for your first internship or entry-level job, do your research and come to interviews prepared to ask questions about the company culture, values, and beliefs. This ensures that you will end up working for a company that respects and embraces your LGBTQIA+ identity. This is a perfect example of practicing self-love and acceptance—you are honoring yourself by taking initiative, and self-advocating to find a workplace that allows you to bring your whole self to work.
Please do things on your terms, at your own pace. This is not a race or competition, so there is absolutely no rush on officially “coming out” or openly expressing your identity in a professional environment. Have patience and practice self-care. You deserve the kindness that you give onto others.
From what I have experienced as an openly-out Queer Asian-American, there will be supporters and allies along the way, but you have to be your biggest supporter and ally. At the end of the day, it is fundamentally you who will be presenting yourself and putting your best foot forward. There will be moments of vulnerability where you feel like you are not good enough or are too different from those around you, but that’s okay. You are more than enough and your uniqueness makes you stand out in the best way possible.
Embrace your originality because your experiences and accrued knowledge will be beneficial to those around you. You have the potential to provide the industry fresh new perspective as the new generation of advertising and marketing. With that being said, do not be afraid. Set goals and conquer them. You are the author of your narrative, so dream beyond self-proclaimed limits because nothing is impossible and everything is within reach. Do not view your LGBTQIA+ identity as a consistent struggle or setback, because it is anything but that. Your identity is a special gift that serves as a reminder of your resilience and strength to overcome all the odds society has against you.
Now, go out there and change the world, one prideful step at a time.
A huge thank you to each contributor to this special piece—for showing up, expressing your perspective, and sharing your advice. You make this industry better.
Have your own piece of advice for young LGBTQIA+ ad talent? Send it to us and we’ll add some of them to this piece.
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