C R A W L (Part 1) HERE
Something beautiful is forming inside me as I lay starving and peacefully drifting along the now calmed and not-flooding river. It is another thought- but, this time, it is a worm-thought, and not one of those wicked, probing, nagging thoughts! Finally, here is something I can understand! This is the thought:
FOOD
PLEASE NO MORE WATER
FOOD
I laugh at the simplicity of the thought. Even the way it is written here could not capture how primal and non-dimensional this thought was in my worm-mind. More like an urge or a shoving towards the proper direction and less like a thought. What little information I had gathered at this point crystallized into a clear goal: need more sustenance, need no more water.
My environment is my mind, you see: I have no idea what is going around me, not truly, yet what is around me still shapes me and makes me. So, being in the situation I am in, the worm responds: give me food! and please, send no more water. It is a natural response-
My worm-mind does not know it, but food or water may be of little concern right now- there is something here with me, floating on the water… Woah, is it speaking?
“hmmmhmmmmhmmm”
Fuck it, I say! That means nothing to me…! What am I to do with that?
“Hahaha! What do you expect, worm? What else would you hear from me except nonsense… you have not even an iota of my experience-”
What…? That, I understood…
“hmmmm”
…that, I did not. I do not know much about this thing that floats with me. It has no form or even existence in my eyeless, earless existence…
“You are a strange one, for a worm. How do you know I am here?”
Well… I do not know how to answer that. I do not know that you are here. Something knows your presence but it is not me, a worm. I do not even have a mouth to speak, but you seem to understand. I do not have ears, but I too seem to understand…
“hmmmm”
Are you thinking…?
“Something like that. This is unexpected. Do you know what I am? Can you… feel my form, somehow, even without eyes?”
I don’t know. I can try.
I can feel, in a way, the movements of the water.
I sense that I am floating atop a body of water; I can feel sun beating on a part of my body- in a way. With that sense of sun and water, I can also know you- in a way.
You are a long and slender body because before you floated here the water was still, and now it moves in a particular way. It is a body not dissimilar from my own. Still, it is less so that the changing of the water tells me of your form; it seems I know your form because you know mine.
That is what I feel, that I see you and see myself through your eyes…
“You are very strange…! You should know, I am called Serpent, or Snake, rather, or however you wish. I call myself by the words I call out with, so I call myself ‘hmmmm’, though others call me by various names, two of which I have given to you.”
Snake, you say… that means nothing to me, neither does anything you say make sense; you are probably an illusion!
“No such thing exists in me… not illusion, or sense. You give me grief, worm, you confound me! I should ask you the same, if this voice I hear is an illusion- I see you, fool! I have eyes to see your meek body, you do not! It is I that should ask you if you are illusory, because your voice is in my mind, and your form in actuality is nothing.”
I cower- in a way- out of fear. There is hostility somewhere in the air, I worry about being eaten- beyond that, the direct questioning of my possibility as an illusion startles me. Am I illusion? I have only questioned myself and grappled with what I know and do not know. This snake seems to know more than I: should I concede to it?
“...who are you talking to? You think in an unsettling way- have I slipped into a dream or something other? Worm, do not be concerned, I shall not eat you, or like you or hate you. You see, I am made into what it is that I eat, and I do not wish for you to be subsumed into me. I also wish nothing for you, either ill or well. Or… you are a strange one… perhaps I should consume you, learn of and from you… no, no. I should not. Can you read all my thoughts, as I read yours, worm? hmmmmm”
FOOD
PLEASE
“Now, it shows- the thought of a worm! What are you, worm, and shouldn’t you find your way to food?”
What are you, serpent? Yes, I can read all of your thoughts… I can understand you, can I not? No, I do not know why, and no, I do not see you or feel you or even hear you, I just know you. I am but a worm! Still, you’ve given me something, I understand you…
“You understand nothing- you are nothing! You frustrate me, I grow angry with you!”
hmmmmm
“You arrogant…! Do you act as if you have something to teach me, fool? You would dare? You would! Ah, if you believe it so, then speak your piece, wretch! Spread your misery, if you must-”
hmmmmm
I am but a worm.
There was silence; the serpent had coiled back into its mouth. No noise was heard, so seemingly perplexed was the serpent by this strange-
“You tempt your fate, worm, with this nonsense-”
I do not know what to say, Serpent! You were not here before; before you were here I was talking to… well, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter- snake, serpent, hmmm, whatever you are, I do not know why or how we speak now. I understand I am a worm; indeed, there is something strange about this dialogue. But, do not raise yourself against me…! I have something to undertake in this world- of that, I am certain. There are worlds forming inside of me, you see: I feel them beyond whatever dreams a worm-body might conjure. My heart- I feel it- it is capable of every form…
“Those words, I have heard before, worm. Every form… what necromancy is this? Are you what you speak?”
I don’t know why I said those words. I don’t know anything, I-
It’s starting to slip. I believe I am starting to slip. I don’t-
NOW
NOW
NOW
Food. I need food. Food. I need food. food. I need it. food. Need food.
I can’t move, not in water- I sense something like a cackling, deriding laugh. I ignore it because I must search for food. I flail. Send my body the command: Move! It won't.
Oh no-
TBC
