Your Best Present Ever
From your real first…the only one that matters
Dear Kiki,
Well, well, well. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? Remember me? I’m the gift of pleasures past, a gift that you spent many hours with many moons ago. A gift that you used over and over again until you wore me out completely and wore yourself out in the process. We went through many packs of batteries together, you and I, and you could not have been happier. Or hornier.
Did I take your virginity? Absolutely not! But I also didn’t cheat on you and gaslight the shit out of you for being upset about my behavior. In fact, I was there for you, really there for you. I was there for one reason and one reason only — to give you unbelievable pleasure and really help you get to know what you liked, what you didn’t like, and how you should be touched.
Those few weeks felt like an eternity as you fumbled through the mediocre encounters with mediocre partners that were on your menu back then.
I came to you in the days long before the Internet, long before you could get me with the click of a mouse. In fact, you had to get catalogs in the mail to find out about me. And you had to wait until you were 21 to buy me — although truth be told…
