Part III #MeToo Elephant in the Room: Sex
What Does Real Change Look Like?
Consider the Al Franken photo with outstretched hands reaching toward Leeann Tweeden. The mischievous smile and boyish grin to the camera that seems to be saying, “Look what I’m getting away with.”
Just about everything in this photo speaks to a strange, but familiar giddiness that barely conceals our deeper discomfort and confusion around (in this case) male sexuality. But there would not be anything to be getting away with if we did not give sex improper power via taboo in the first place.
Where I grew up in Germany beer and wine was sold in vending machines, and the taboo of underage drinking largely does not exist. Removing our taboo of sex can likewise take us away from there being something to get away with in a world where sex has been given improper power.
Unlike sexual assault, which we’re told involves less than 3% of all men, a giddy, sexually confused Al Franken lives in most of us. We have been traumatized by centuries of shaming to the point of distorting our humanity.
Real change will come when we stop trading in sex and start living sexuality as choice. In this world being a jerk falls flat, but being vulnerable holds appeal.
Here real women and men peer into their shadows, and authenticity becomes the true currency. Men are no longer the sole pursuers, and women release this victorian myth of purity.
Men are no longer invalidated for failing to be assertive enough, and women stop considering doing anything that is not joyful choice. Sex stops being that thing we assume every man is begging for and that women dole out as reward.
Conclusion
It’s clear to me that #MeToo will not achieve its goals by pretending sex can be deleted. What we see from Harvey Weinstein to Al Franken are simply symptoms of a challenge much deeper beneath us.
#MeToo will only succeed by rewarding truth and vulnerability in men and women around sexuality. The old currency of assertiveness in the pursuit of purity must be taken out of circulation.
That does not mean we lose sexual polarity. Far from it. Men can be beautifully fierce while responding to a partner’s choice, and women can initiate without being a slut.
There are many such women and men in our midst today. But they are fragile, barely beginning to lift their heads from the confusing haze of firmly-in-place, but outdated standards that have systematically invalidated them.
We can build a new, level playing field filled with self-awareness. It is in this positive projection of human sexuality that we will unlock our past and yield our much needed healing.
