Humor | Erotica | Sex Worker | Dating
The Pensioner Part 1
The World’s Oldest Call Girl
Valerie was a 90 year old pensioner who was in charge of a block of flats outside of London. All the tenants in the building knew she was a sweet, unassuming old lady and always smiled at her as the past her by in the hallway or while she was outside tending to her garden.
However, behind closed doors Valerie was not like every other old lady. She was a 90 year old nymphomaniac. Most of her life Valerie did what she had to do to make ends meet, and she enjoyed it. Back in the day her beauty was compared to the likes of Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield. To put it delicately, she was the most requested call girl in London. As she grew older her clientele dwindled, and she invested in a block of flats where she could live out the rest of her days.
Valerie thought that her best fucking days were behind her, after all, there weren’t people who had a pensioner fetish, were there? She quickly found out there was such a fetish she could cater to, and she became a super cougar. It surprised her that young men would want to take their chance with her when she was in her 70s and 80s, but the older she got the more she needed their company.
It was as if fucking younger men kept her young. Perhaps this is the secret to staying young, she thought to herself. They seemed to enjoy their time with her and some even paid her for her services, while others got a discount on their rent, and still others were willing to rub arthritis lotion all over her naked wrinkled body in lieu of payment.
Being an old school call girl, Valerie certainly knew tricks to which today’s sex workers had no knowledge. However her most requested act was what she called the “slobby knob”, basically a blow job without her dentures. If you were to ask any of her patrons, she certainly knew her way around a knob and without the dentures it was like heaven!
Although her flat smelled of bengay and mothballs, the young men who stopped by didn’t seem to mind. Although some did find it uncomfortable to have sex on her plastic covered sofa.
Even though she had her bag of tricks, Valerie was getting bored with the lack of knowledge young men seemed to have when it came to pleasing a woman. Back in her day, a man paid attention to special areas, especially when they were paying for it.
One day Valerie was out tending to her small garden when a handsome pensioner named Fred stopped by to look at a flat she had for rent. Valerie liked the cut of his jib, he was around her age, had all his hair, and his dentures were minimally stained.
Fred was a smooth talking former salesman who wanted to move to be closer to his great-grandchildren, but the best part of looking at the flat was Valerie. As she walked ahead of him, he got a good look at her legs. Sure they had varicose veins and some dark spots, but through her crepe like skin he could see at one point they must have been one of her best features.
His eyes trailed up to her ass, which was kind of saggy, but still in good shape. Fred was slowly becoming enamoured with Valerie, so much so that he didn’t stop when they reached the flat and he ended up running into her.
“I’m terribly sorry Miss, I didn’t mean to run into you.” He smiled sweetly at Valerie as she composed herself.
“It’s alright luv, here’s the flat.”
As Valerie walked Fred through the flat, he didn’t pay attention to a word she said. Not only because his hearing aid was on the fritz, but also because she was the most stunning woman he had seen in years. And that wasn’t just the cataracts talking.
Fred didn’t need to see anymore, he promptly handed Valerie the deposit as well as the first and last month’s rent.
“I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but you’re guaranteed to have your last month’s rent should I perish in my sleep.” He laughed.
Valerie found his sense of humor refreshing, usually the young men she hung out with thought that cursing followed by calling her “bruv” or “mate” was the most hilarious joke. Fred understood her in a way the young pups didn’t.
“It will certainly be a pleasure having you as a tenant, Fred.”
Fred smiled and nodded. He didn’t understand a word she said, but by what he assumed was a smile on her face he thought she had accepted him as a tenant.
A few days after he moved in, Fred stopped by Valerie’s flat with a bouquet of roses and a new battery for his hearing aids. He was ready to woo Valerie, she was the hottest piece of ass he had seen since he was diagnosed with glaucoma several years earlier.
Valerie opened the door and invited Fred in, even though he walked with a limp from his hip replacement surgery, he still had a nice swagger in his step. She knew it was only a matter of time before he stopped by, so she put a new plastic cover on her sofa as well as some doilies.
When Fred stepped in the door the smell of bengay and mothballs hit him, That’s the most arousing smell, he thought to himself as he sat on the sofa. Valerie made him a cup of tea, and they talked for hours. Their conversation started out with their grandchildren, then great-grandchildren, and then it moved into their favorite canasta groups.
Soon the subject of what they used to do for a living came up. Fred was quite shocked at Valerie’s revelation that she was still a practicing call girl.
“You must have some very sturdy hips! What type of calcium supplement do you take?” He inquired.
Valerie laughed, “No supplements just good old fashion stretching!”
Fred took Valerie’s hand, “If you need some help stretching, or putting on bengay, I’d be happy to help you any time. You can stay the night in my flat. I’ll even get a denture cup just for you!.”
Valerie’s heart skipped a beat, the sound of her own denture cup was the nicest offer she had in a long time. “Oh Fred, you know all the right things to say to a lady, don’t you?”
Fred tried to stand up, it actually took a few tries as his knees cracked and he made groaning noises. But as soon as he stood up he kissed Valerie’s hand, “The offer stands. Meet me at my flat tonight.”
As Fred shuffled to the door, Valerie couldn’t help but put her glasses on so she could get a good look at his ass walking away. It was a typical, flat, old man’s ass, but it really turned Valerie on.
There was no way Valerie could turn down Fred’s offer. After all, when she was looking at his crotch it looked like he was packing something massive. She did realize of course that it could very well be adult diapers, but she was willing to take that chance.
Later that night, after she was convinced everyone else in the building was asleep, Valerie snuck out her door. She had on a red silky robe that trailed behind her as she walked up the stairs. She didn’t know if her legs were shaking from anticipation or just old age, but she knew the night of passion ahead would be well worth the climb to the third floor
Valerie didn’t know if it was early onset dementia or if she had just simply forgotten, but she couldn’t remember the last time she was so excited. As she approached his door, she knocked lightly.
When Fred answered the door he was in his boxers and a white shirt with his socks still on. He smiled at Valerie as he welcomed her into his flat. “I didn’t want you to think I was some sort of sex fiend, so I haven’t taken any viagra yet. My old Johnson doesn’t like to stand on its own anymore, so I need a little help.”
Valerie laughed as she sat on his sofa, his flat smelled of cheap cologne, cigars, and mothballs, but she liked it.
“I don’t want to be too forward here, but it’s been almost fifteen years since I knocked boots with anyone. I haven’t slept with anyone since my wife passed away. If you’d rather sit here and have chat that’s fine. But if you want a night of passion, just say the word and I’ll take the little blue pill.”
Valerie got as close to Fred as she could, and put her hand on his thigh. “I’m ready for a night of passion with you Frank…I mean Fred.”
“Oh Valerie, let me take the pill. But before we do anything, just know you’re going to have to be on top. I just had my hip replaced and the doctor said I needed to avoid strenuous activities.”
Valerie slipped her dentures out of her mouth and placed them on a coaster. “Frwed, I’m rwedy to gif ew da night of your wife!” She got down on her knees in front of Fred and pulled out his cock. It was wrinkly and had a patch of silver public hair that surrounded the base, like newly frosted grass after a winter’s night.
Fred took his little magic pill as Valerie definitely showed him the “slobby knob” Even though she had arthritis in her hands, her mouth still knew how to get the job done.
Fred started moaning, but she couldn’t tell if it was pleasure or if he was having a heart attack. Valerie stopped and looked up at him to see his head had slumped over, but he was still breathing.
“Fred, are you alright?” She heard snoring coming from him. Valerie knew she was no spring chicken, but her oral skills were still top notch! She stood up and slapped Fred across the face, waking him with a start.
“Oh my word! I’m sorry Valerie, it’s not you. I just think I took a sleeping pill instead of the viagra! My old eyes aren’t what they used to be.”
“Fred, never in my 70 years of being a call girl have I ever had someone fall asleep on me while I was giving them the slobby knob! I think you just invited me up here to make a fool out of me!”
Fred began snoring again. At least when she had younger men they stayed awake through the entire thing. Valerie sat next to him on the couch letting the anger build inside her. Then she looked over at him, his face was droopy and reminded her of a basset hound. She couldn’t help but notice how nicely manicured his ear and nose hair was.
He’s not exactly Mr. Universe, but he is still pretty good looking for his age, she thought. Soon Valerie fell asleep next to him holding his hand.
Thank you for reading my story, part 2 will be out soon. I’d like to thank Your Master's Voice for the idea.
If you enjoyed this story, please give it a clap, and give me a follow. Also check out my other work. Thank you for reading!
Dahlia 🌹
