HUMOR | EROTICA | SEX WORKER | DATING
The Pensioner Part 2
The World’s Oldest Call Girl
Valerie woke up at half ten, realizing she had slept too late. By now everyone in the building would be awake, but since it was a Thursday she knew most of the tenants would be at work. She slipped her hand out of Fred’s and checked his pulse. He was still alive, and he had a massive hard on.
Oh great, now he’s hard, she thought to herself. Valerie shook him to try to wake him, she wanted some of that good knob, however he was dead to the world. Looking at the time again, she remembered she had a client coming to her flat at eleven.
“Oh Fred, I would’ve loved to have ridden your pants snake all the way to the A&E, but I guess it’ll have to wait for the next round.” She sighed, stood up, and made her way to the door.
The long walk of somewhat shame to her door was a bit depressing. The good thing was the building was mostly quiet. Valerie knew the only person who would possibly be home would be Henry the young man who lived across the hall from her. However, Henry was usually busy this time of morning. She always heard him speaking to someone on the phone, so she assumed he worked from home.
As she made her way to the bottom floor, she snuck through the vestibule and shuffled as fast as she could to her door. Just as she reached for the handle, Henry came out of his flat. Their eyes met and Valerie flushed red with embarrassment.
Henry looked her up and down, he had never seen her in such an ensemble. He quickly noticed that Valerie’s skin tone was slowly matching the shade of her silk robe. “Alright Valerie?” He asked with a friendly nod.
“Oh yes luv, just outside giving my flowers a good spritz before it gets too hot.”
Valerie hurried into her flat and quickly shut the door behind her. She was completely flustered by Henry seeing her in the hallway. She quickly composed herself and got ready for her client. She changed into a purple silk nightie and put on her bright red lipstick, the same shade she had worn throughout her years as a call girl.
Soon there was a knock on her door, when she opened it a strapping young man was standing before her. He couldn’t have been older than 25 or 26, and he was very well built. He had rippling muscles like a professional bodybuilder, but had a shy and quiet way about him.
“Please come in luv.” As he walked past her the aroma of Axe body spray filled her nostrils causing her to tear up a bit.
“Sorry I’m late,” he said in a gruff Scottish accent, “I’m Fergus, it’s nice to meet you. One of my friends recommended you, they said to ask you about the slobby knob.”
Valerie laughed as she sat on the sofa and patted the cushion next to her, inviting him to sit down. Fergus took the hint and sat as close to her as possible. She could tell he was nervous, so she placed her hand on his thigh. He blushed as he made eye contact with her then quickly looked away.
“There’s no reason to be nervous luv, I’ve been with thousands of men, and hundreds of women.”
This made Fergus relax a little, then he shifted on the sofa causing the plastic to make a farting sound. “That wasn’t me, it was the sofa!”
Valerie ran her hand along the inseam of his jorts and loosened her dentures with her tongue. Then she stood up taking his hand to lead him to her bedroom. Fergus didn’t know what to do so he followed her.
Once in the bedroom Valerie stripped off her purple nightie and got on the bed, then beckoned for Fergus to join her. As he undressed, she stared at Fergus’ crotch wondering if his cock was as massive as Fred’s. Then she couldn’t remember if she had seen Fred’s cock, but she certainly remembered the hard on he had when she left him which left little to the imagination. Either that or she really needed to get a new prescription for her glasses.
As soon as his jorts came off, Fergus’ hard cock bounced out of his boxer-briefs. Valerie acted more impressed than she was, after all once you’ve seen thousands of cocks it takes a lot to impress you. Fergus shuffled his way to the bed, jorts and underwear around his ankles. He looked down at Valerie on the bed and his thoughts ran wild.
She was the hottest nonagenarian he had ever seen. Her body was covered in liver spots, her breasts were saggy, and her skin was extremely wrinkly. But the thing that surprised him the most was she didn’t have any public hair.
“At your age you still shave?” He asked with a puzzled look.
“No dearie, when you get to my age you lose hair in different places. My pubic hair just disappeared one day. But no one has complained.”
Valerie reached for the lube on her nightstand and threw it at Fergus. “You’d better make sure I’m nice and lubed up before you enter me, otherwise it won’t be fun for either of us. I am 90 after all.”
He put a large glob of lube in his hand and placed it between her legs. At first it was like running his hands along sandpaper, but the more he massaged the lube into her ancient pussy, the softer it became. Valerie opened her legs slowly, not only to tease the young man but also due to her arthritis she didn’t want to scare him away with the cracking sound they made.
When he couldn’t take anymore Fergus grabbed her legs and pulled her to the edge of the bed. He spread her legs and heard a very loud popping noise. “Oh my God! Are you okay?”
“Oh that happens sometimes, just keep going luv.”
Fergus was concerned, but it didn’t take long before he stuck his hard cock into her causing Valerie to arch her back. As she did there was more popping sounds followed by her moaning. Fergus didn’t know if he should stop, but she didn’t tell him to. He grabbed her legs and placed them on his shoulders. The sound of her knees cracking turned him on even more.
“Oh luv, you might have to help me with my Bengay application after this.”
Fergus did his best to not get too excited, but the way her saggy breasts swayed side to side as he drilled deeper into her was absolutely mesmerizing. When he couldn’t take anymore Fergus released his hot spunk into what he believed was the oldest working vagina.
After his mission was accomplished, he laid on the bed next to Valerie. “Did you say something about Bengay bruv?”
Valerie rolled her eyes, she was tired of the way young people spoke. Her back was aching, not only from the okay railing Fergus just finished giving her, but also from sleeping upright on Fred’s couch all night. She shook her head at Fergus, “That won’t be necessary luv, just leave the money on the dresser and shut the door on your way out.”
Her encounter with Fergus was not as good as she thought it would be. He was another wham, bam, thank you ma’am, kind of customer. He didn’t even try to make her cum. Which granted she was 90, but still a little effort would’ve been nice.
Fergus looked at her with a confused rejection, “What do you mean? Was it not good for you? I’ve never shagged a nonagenarian before.”
Valerie sighed, “I don’t think you ever will again.”
Fergus sat on the bed and tears started rolling down his cheeks. “I thought it would mean something special to you, like it did to me. You were my first!”
Valerie slowly realized what he meant, she had just had the honor of having his virginity. It had been a long time, many decades, since she had taken a young man’s virginity. She started to feel guilty about the comment she made.
“I’m sorry luv, I didn’t realize this was your first time. You were brilliant for someone who has never had sex before. Next time I’ll help you in excelling at pleasing a woman.”
Fergus had mixed emotions, it was as if his Nan was offering to provide him with sexual advice, but it was also so very sexy to him. Valerie was a very sexy Nan and he had to see her again. He grabbed the tube of Bengay off her nightstand, “How would you like me to rub some of this on your back? It’s the least I can do.”
Valerie remembered the last time she tried to put lotion on her back, she ended up throwing it out. But she did end up meeting a very handsome male nurse at A&E which led to a passionate fling and all the free arthritis medicine she could ever need.
She smiled sweetly at the young man next to her, and nodded, then rolled over on her belly. It’s wasn’t a smooth transition, Fergus found it much like trying to watch a turtle get off it’s back. She swayed from side to side until she built up enough momentum to turn onto her belly.
As soon as the Bengay touched her aching back, Valerie let out a sigh of relief. Fergus found it sort of soothing like playing with a stress ball. He could see her sexy blue veins through her withered skin, and it made him hard again. He didn’t want to bother Valerie or hurt her, so he silently put one of his hands on his hard cock and began to stroke it.
However, Fergus was not aware of the reaction Bengay created on skin, specifically the delicate skin of a man’s penis. It tingled at first, which he quite liked, but then the burning sensation started to take over. He started to panic and saw the vase of roses next to her bed. He quickly grabbed it, threw the roses across the room and stuck his hard cock into the cooling water.
Valerie was startled by the roses landing on her head and looked in the mirror on her wall. She saw Fergus sticking himself into the vase. “What on Earth are you doing?”
“Bengay… is not… good on a dick!” he shouted at her.
Valerie laughed, “I’d offer to give you the slobby knob, but it doesn’t taste good either.”
After Fergus left Valerie found herself feeling more lonely than ever. Even her cat, Gigolo couldn’t cheer her up. At seven there was a light knocking on her door, she quickly checked her diary to see if she had another appointment she had forgotten. Seeing none written down she took off her glasses and answered the door.
It was Fred standing at her door in a nice fluffy grey robe and house shoes. “Valerie my sweet pussy willow, I just woke up and realized you were gone.”
Valerie was still angry at him for taking the wrong pill, but she was the typical English lady and didn’t let it show. “It’s alright luv, come in for a cuppa won’t you?”
Fred’s knees popped and creaked as he sat down with a mighty groan. Valerie looked at him through the kitchen door. To her delighted shock, she saw his bathrobe open just enough that she could see his boxers. Even more shocking was the fact that his sagging old bollocks were hanging out one side.
Valerie licked her lips at the sight of the wrinkly stone like balls, oh how I’d love to give those the soggy bollocks. This was an act she didn’t practice much, but it was one that the late great Sean Connery enjoyed and requested often.
As she brought Fred his cuppa their eyes met. “Valerie I’m a plonker, I’m sorry I took the wrong pill last night. But to be honest they were similar shades of blue.”
“Sodz mate, I got a good shag this afternoon from a nice Scottish fellow. It was his first time. It was so good I made his knob tingle.”
Fred was taken aback, he knew he couldn’t complete with young Scottish studs, but he knew he had to try. He took Valerie’s hands and held them tight. As far as he could remember no woman had ever made an impression on him the way Valerie did. However, to be fair, Fred couldn’t remember what he had for dinner the night before either.
Valerie noticed his hands were shaking, she wondered if he was nervous or if he had Parkinson’s, either way the act of holding her hands made her feel like a schoolgirl. “Fred I’ve never had anyone fall asleep on me, especially when I was about to give them a slobby knob! I thought perhaps you had a stroke or a heart attack, but no you just took the wrong pill!”
“Valerie!” Fred attempted to get on his knees but halfway down to the floor he forgot what he was doing and quickly sat back on the couch, “What were we talking about?”
“The pills, Fred! The pills!”
Fred was confused, “I’ve already paid my bills for the month, didn’t you get the rent and the deposit from me before I moved in?”
Valerie shook her head, she assumed Fred’s hearing aids must have gone out. So she decided to be more direct by placing her hand directly on his crotch.
Fred understood what Valerie was saying, but he still needed a bit of help to get his sausage to stand at attention so he could give her the ole bang-her and mash.
“Valerie I’d love nothing more than to put my toad in your hole, but I do need the help of my little pill. Meet me in my flat in an hour and I’ll be ready for you.”
Valerie wasn’t going to hold her breath this time, but she agreed to meet Fred in his flat within the hour. When Fred shuffled his way out the door, she decided to get herself cleaned up.
Sitting on her shower chair, letting the water wash over her, Valerie couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps she should call her male nurse lover and ask him for a prescription for viagra, this way she could ensure Fred would take the right pill.
“It is a thought for the future,” Valerie said to Gigolo as she towled herself off. She put on her best red lingerie and her red silk robe, then made her way to Fred’s flat.
When she knocked on the door Fred answered it looking nervous, “Oh Val, you’re here to get your casserole dish back, right?”
She shook her head, “What are you talking about? You invited me up here for a good slobby knob and shagging.”
Just then the door was pulled open wider by a younger man, “Dad who is this?”
Valerie was completely embarrassed, she could now see the resemblance between the two. “This is your lad?”
Fred didn’t know what to say, this was his second chance with Valerie and he had blown it once again. “This is Allen my son, he stopped by unexpectedly to check on me, see how I was settling in.”
Valerie looked Allen up and down, she had to admit he was a stunning young man, well younger man. He was most likely in his late 60s early 70s, with salt and pepper hair and green eyes.
“It’s very nice to meet you Allen, I can assure you everything is going well here with your father. If you’d like to stop by my flat for a chat anytime, you’re always welcome. I can be very accommodating.”
Fred couldn’t believe Valerie was flirting with his son right in front of him. At least he thought it was flirting, he couldn’t really hear much of it. But her body language was practically screaming it.
Valerie turned and made her way back down to her flat, That’ll teach him to fall asleep on me.
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Love,
Dahlia 🌹
