In Memory: A Backpacking Story

Review #1

Crystal Cove State Park

Dear Daniel,

This venture was long overdue brother.

As a child I was raised by divorced immigrant parents. Like most, money was tight, so we didn’t have the luxury of going on camping trips and family vacations. I grew up playing sports and video games, but never really had an interest in the outdoors.

Throughout high school and college, I would go on hikes, but other than that I had no real desire to backpack or camp. A few years ago, one of my best friends decided to take me on a 3 day camping trip to Sequoia National Park.

It was in the 90s that weekend and the river was running rapid. All you could really do was pull up a chair, sit in water, or risk getting swept away. My friend forgot to bring board games and cards that weekend, so you could imagine how painfully dull it was just sitting around for days with nothing to do. Needless to say, the experience could have been better.

Now back to my brother Daniel.

Daniel wasn’t technically my brother. He was a year older than me, and we played football in high school together. We were one of the few Asian Americans on the team, so we bonded pretty well. After we both graduated we still hung out even though we went to different colleges. He was one of the few people in my life that I looked up to. It was hard for me to find someone in my life that was suitable for that role when you’re the oldest of 3 kids.

We were both heavy set teenagers, but throughout his college experience he dropped a ton a weight, and started looking like a young Jackie Chan. He majored in Kinesiology, so he wanted to help me adopt a healthier lifestyle. He took me to buy my first road bike. We’d hook it onto the racks of his beat-up sedan, drive to the Santa Ana Trail, and rode our bikes all the way down to the beach. He was everything I could ask for in a big brother, but eventually we lost touch. He was backpacking, hiking, and doing any outdoor activity you could think of. On the other hand, I was partying, had a girlfriend, and was working multiple jobs. I could tell by his social media posts that this was his newfound passion, and every time I saw him, like a little brother, I’d say, “take me with you!”

Years passed, by then I was 22, and he was 23. On a late night in February one of our friends came over to my house. It was a surprise, I thought he came to hang out, but he was there to deliver some news. Daniel… was dead.

I couldn’t believe it at first. I honestly thought he was joking until he showed me Daniel’s Facebook page. His family were all saying goodbye. Saying how amazing a nephew he was and how they’ll all miss him, but I still wasn’t convinced. It wasn’t until my friend started crying in front of me that I even considered it a possibility. When he left, I sat with it for a moment, and that’s when it really hit me. It had been a very long time since something made me cry until my eyes were puffy and red.

As more information came, we learnt that he really did pass away. He was hiking through Mt. Baldy, using the Devil’s Backbone Trail, right after the winter months. For those that don’t know, Mt. Baldy is the highest summit in the San Gabriel Mountains. It’s still an insanely popular 3 mile hike during the summer. Since Daniel and two of his friends went in early February, the trail was icy and dangerous. Not only did he die but another man as well, forcing the park rangers to temporarily shut it down back in 2016.

The story goes that one of his friends slipped, and Daniel came to his rescue. As he pulled his friend up, he lost his footing, and fell.

As you can see there’s not much you can do once you slip off. Especially if there’s ice. People wanted answers, but the guy that my brother saved left California, and didn’t even show up to his funeral. Daniel’s outdoor friends said, the guy was afraid that people would blame him for his death, and we might’ve, but we just wanted to hear what happened from the source. We never got the story firsthand, we never got the closure, he was just gone.

I remember one night maybe a week or two after everything happened. I was driving home from work and was suddenly overcome with grief. The pain, the loss, consumed me for a moment while I was alone in my car. I was 22 disgustingly weeping like a toddler. I kept visualizing him sitting next to me. We had so many memories together in my car, and I ended up having this fake conversation where I told him, “I’m sorry.” I was sorry for not being there, I was sorry for our fading friendship, for not spending more time with him, for taking him for granted, for everything. I couldn’t help but blame myself. I truly wished I could’ve saved him.

His death reached the news and for a week he was all over major networks in California. Many people came out to share their stories about him. They pictured Daniel as a kind and adventurous soul. Who died doing what he loved and passed away a hero. He was just a kid, who recently graduated from Cal State Long Beach, and he left us all too soon.

When he was gone it fueled me to go out and explore. It didn’t prevent or deter me from wanting to experience the same things he did. I went out and bought boots, trekking poles, and a tent, but it just sat there for years. It wasn’t until June 2020 that I finally went on my first backpacking trip. Why did it take me so long? I don’t know. I couldn’t find anyone to go with until now, is the easy answer. Most of my friends aren’t the outdoors or strenuous type, but honestly, I could’ve went on my own if I really wanted to. What I’m trying to say is that this was long overdue. Long overdue doesn’t even come close, but what matters is I got it done.

So, if he were alive today what would I tell him?

I’d tell him that Crystal Cove State Park was beautiful. That my friend and I found forks in the path that lead us to these amazing views. That I took plenty of pictures of scenery, unique flowers, and plants that I’ve never seen before. I’d tell him how it was tough carrying 25+ pounds on your back, and how parts of the trail were brutal. I’d say even though it was hard, I felt incredibly fulfilled. It’s a great spot for beginners who want to try out backpacking for the first time. It took me years to finally catch a glimpse of what drew him out here, and I’m sorry it took me so long to find out. I’d tell him that I thought I was going to be sore to the bone, but my body felt great the next day. That now I’m hooked, and I can’t wait to go on my next trip. I hope to find him out there one day. I wish we could’ve gone on one together. I’m going to keep pushing, every step, every adventure, is for the both of us. I promise to keep your spirit alive. Daniel, this is in honor of you. I love you, I miss you, and I’ll see you soon brother.

Thanks for taking the time to read my article! I will be reviewing in depth and posting more about future backpacking trips here on Tonic Media. If you guys want to see photos from Crystal Cove, I’ll be posting more soon on my Instagram. Check it out!

Stay curious, peace.