Hello, 60. You’re ADHD.

Now you tell me

It was February 6, 2020. I was early in my second session with my new therapist, Greg. He stopped me by raising his hand.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re ADD?” he asked, slipping into pre-H nomenclature.

I paused, then explained that both of my sons had been diagnosed but that I hadn’t followed up for myself beyond mentioning it to a well-meaning medical professional who said I should stay focused on other things first.

Greg then went on to describe Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). He shared what he observed in me and had gathered from my answers to his questions, and said he recognized me as a “fellow traveler.” What he described fit me to a T.

When he was done, after a pause, I asked, “Do you mean to tell me that the things I most love about myself and my form of ‘genius’ come from the same place as the things I most loathe and am frustrated with about myself?”

Basically, yes. That’s what he was telling me. I was 60 years old, two months short of my 61st birthday. Living with a neurodivergent spouse and her extended family had opened a window into how my brain isn’t “Normal.” But the more I learned about my ADHD, the wider my eyes got.

Sadly, I had little time to learn or explain to others. A month later, my wife came down with COVID-19. Three and a half months after that, my marriage blew up and my life was turned upside down. My ADHD was pathologized even though I was living with a family all of whom were autistic.

Fortunately, my therapist was equipped to address all my issues. I spent the subsequent months drinking from the proverbial firehose learning all I could about my ADHD, how my brain works and why, and how it drives my behavior. In November 2023 I began a training and coaching program focused on people with ADHD. In 2024 I took a huge leap forward, breaking logjams years in the making.

Quite simply, everything changed about my understanding of myself, who I am and why. It’s hard not to lament what could have been had I been diagnosed with ADHD much sooner. It explains so many of the obstacles and challenges I’ve faced throughout my life. Part of me wishes I could go back in time to tell everyone and get the help I needed. But, of course, none of that matters now. What matters is the final third (generously speaking) of my life.

What is ADHD?

The National Institute of Mental Health (the infamous NIMH from the animated films) describes Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) this way:

[A] developmental disorder characterized by an ongoing pattern of one or more of the following types of symptoms:

Inattention, such as having difficulty paying attention, keeping on task, or staying organized;

Hyperactivity, such as often moving around (including during inappropriate times), feeling restless, or talking excessively; and/or

Impulsivity, such as interrupting, intruding on others, or having trouble waiting one’s turn

It is common for people to show these behaviors some of the time. However, for people with ADHD, the behaviors are frequent and occur across multiple situations, such as at school, at home, at work, or with family and friends.”

Research suggests that people with ADHD are born with a deficiency of dopamine, which, along with other factors, cause us to seek it more than neurotypical folks.

Types of ADHD

Formerly known as ADD (the H was added in 1994), the DSM-5 (the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) lists three presentations of ADHD — Predominantly Inattentive, Hyperactive-Impulsive and Combined. The nonprofit CHADD summarizes the symptoms of each:

ADHD predominantly inattentive presentation

• Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes
• Has difficulty sustaining attention
• Does not appear to listen
• Struggles to follow through with instructions
• Has difficulty with organization
• Avoids or dislikes tasks requiring sustained mental effort
• Loses things
• Is easily distracted
• Is forgetful in daily activities

ADHD predominantly hyperactive-impulsive presentation

• Fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in chair
• Has difficulty remaining seated
• Runs about or climbs excessively in children; extreme restlessness in adults
• Difficulty engaging in activities quietly
• Acts as if driven by a motor; adults will often feel inside as if they are driven by a motor
• Talks excessively
• Blurts out answers before questions have been completed
• Difficulty waiting or taking turns
• Interrupts or intrudes upon others

ADHD combined presentation

• The individual meets the criteria for both inattention and hyperactive-impulsive ADHD presentations.

These symptoms can change over time, so children may fit different presentations as they get older.

That last category is me. Oh joy.

Challenges and Gifts

Here are some of the ways my ADHD has shown up, which are typical of people with the disorder. First the challenges, for which I always felt tremendous shame because I didn’t understand the way my brain is wired

• Time blindness: I say I have “an approximate relationships with time.” People like me have two time-references: “Now” and “Not Now.” I can disappear into a task or experience and come up for air hours later wondering where the time went. I am able to be on time when it is a priority but often run late when left to my own devices. Timers help.
• Prioritizing: Related to time blindness, I work best with actual deadlines, which can lead to a procrastination/rush at the end cycle. I’ve learned strategies to address this.
• Disorganization: I always seems to have “piles” and need to make time for re-organizing from time to time when things get too cluttered.
• Following through and completing tasks: I am a great initiator but finishing is harder (less dopamine). I will often have multiple tasks partially done at any one time. All eventually get finished, but not in an orderly way.
• Distractions: Sometimes I am in the middle of something and — SQUIRREL!
• Impulsiveness: I’ve been known to act first, think second. I’ve learned ways to slow down my reactions.
• Low frustration tolerance: My voice gets an edge when I get frustrated, and I sometimes blurt things out that tend to come out wrong.

At the same time, I can attribute some of my greatest gifts to the way my mind is wired.

• Creativity: I’m an out-of-the box thinker, make unique connections, and generate innovative ideas.
• Hyperfocus: While I can have difficulty with focus, I also experience intense periods of hyperfocus. When engaged in a task I find stimulating or interesting, I display exceptional concentration, productivity, and attention to detail.
• Quick Thinking and Adaptability: I am a fast thinker and adapt well to changing situations. I’m flexible, able to adjust plans on the fly, and can find creative solutions to unexpected challenges.
• Intuition and Emotional Insight: I possess a deep understanding of emotions and pick up on subtleties in social interactions. I’m empathetic and intuitive in relationships.
• Lateral Thinking and Pattern Recognition: While many people are vertical or silo thinkers, I have a unique ability to make connections between seemingly unrelated concepts or ideas, which contributes to problem-solving, brainstorming, and innovation.
• Spontaneity and Sense of Adventure: I have a natural inclination for spontaneity and adventure, bringing excitement, spontaneity, and a sense of fun to relationships and social settings.
• Big Picture Thinking: I excel at seeing the big picture. I can conceptualize and synthesize information from various sources, enabling them to think holistically and envision possibilities beyond the immediate details.

Are You Like Me?

Do you recognize yourself in these descriptions? In the U.S., an estimated 10 million adults have been diagnosed with ADHD, with many more undiagnosed like I was. This means they have at least four of the symptoms listed in the DSM-5, and often many more. The best way to be get diagnosed is to talk with an expert in the field. There are also many resources listed on the web. I will delve more into these in a future post.

Whether you’ve been diagnosed, or suspect you may have ADHD, know that you are not alone. There is no shame in having a brain that’s wired differently than the majority of the population. There are many of us out there with similar gifts facing similar struggles. Seek out others in your tribe. And please contact me sharing your experiences, with questions, or to suggest future topics.

May your life be filled with dopamine!