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Niceness is overrated. Be Kind.

In my practice with startups, I see frequently how people create hell for themselves paved with good intentions. They do not ask for what they need, they do not give crucial feedback and they enable dysfunctions of others by overcompensating for them….all in the name of being nice.

That’s only the surface reality though. Niceness is a tricky trait. Frequently it’s the disguise of our selfish need to be liked. We want to think that we are nice but more than that we want others to think that we are nice. This kind of niceness makes us lose our voice and leads us to become inauthentic.

When we stop speaking up on important issues because we are afraid to hurt/offend others (translation: when we are afraid they won’t like us or be mad at us), it locks us and others to the status quo. It rips off the chance for things to get better.

Be kind instead.

Kindness is about having our hearts in the right place. It’s about wanting the best for others and for ourselves. It has nothing to do with being liked.

Kindness requires that we speak up on crucial matters. It allows us to let people face their reality and grow from them.

Kindness allows us to be authentic and caring at the same time.

Niceness is overrated. Be kind instead.




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Banu Hantal

Banu Hantal

Leadership Psychologist // Executive Coach // SuperHumanist

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