Self-reflection: Managing your expectations
It is natural to self-reflect when hearing about other peoples experiences. As the Program and Talent Manager for XFN, I am privileged to have access to the knowledge that comes with 10 peoples careers. In turn, this gives me a lot to think about.
Productivity
I, much like the XFNers, feel a never-ending need to be producing for the team I work for. And in my case, the two teams I work for (shout-out to the Policy Community Partnership Office and Canada School of Public Service Pathfinder Team). When I use the term producing, I am referring to creating/delivering outputs (tangible things that people can see, such as, documents, data, etc.)
What I have recently been learning is that there are various ways to be productive and contribute to teams beyond the narrow way I have been thinking about it. For example, supporting colleagues; offering suggestions to improve collaboration among team members or within an organization; and, raising knowledge gaps/issues with management that impact your work/team/organization.
Lately, when I have a day where I feel I haven’t been productive, I reflect on the things I felt were taking me ‘away’ from my work and come to realize that all those activities were also productive, even if it didn’t feel that way at the time.
Managing your expectations
Going hand-in-hand with productivity, is managing your expectations of yourself. In my last post, I mentioned how surprised I was by the high expectations XFNers had on themselves and that when speaking with host managers I discovered their expectations were nowhere near those of the XFNers.
This year, life has given me some unexpected twists and turns. With this, I have had the humbling experience of learning how to manage the expectations I have of myself.
The first step I took in doing this was identifying where the expectations I had were coming from. Were they from my manager, my Assistant Deputy Minister, my colleagues, me, the Free Agent program, the Government of Canada? Generally, the answer was/is a little bit of everything, but the truest answer that I found staring back at me was that I was placing most of the expectations on myself. No one was telling me I needed to work 10–12 hours a day, that everything I was working on needed to be done right away, I was the one who felt that way.
I have to say, if the XFNers didn’t share so openly about their experiences/feelings in the program, I might not have had the courage to do this introspective thinking.
I am often described as an overachiever and that is something that has never quite made sense to me. In my eyes, I am simply doing my job with the knowledge that there are always opportunities to grow and do more. That being said, maybe I don’t need to conquer the world everyday all day and that is something I am still learning to be comfortable with.
For the last few weeks, for the first time in my career and I would even say in my life, I am having a hard time being as productive as I normally am and I am trying so hard to be okay with that. To do so, I am managing my expectations of myself and being realistic about what needs to be done by when.
While I feel vulnerable sharing this, I also hope it empowers those who feel the way I do to take a minute, when they need to, to not do their job at what my colleagues describe as a ‘superhuman’ rate.
Be kind to yourself
Sometimes, it is hard to put into words how personal growth occurs, but being surrounded by inspiring people definitely helps. Every week I get to witness the XFNers come together to share their knowledge, personal experiences, and offer support.
One of my big ongoing takeaways from these calls is the value of being kind to yourself. What I mean is, recognizing when you need a break; what your needs are in the workplace; acknowledging when your cup is full, etc. As people, we very often think of how to be kind to others, but forget about doing so for ourselves.
As part of my humbling journey to managing my expectations of myself, I am trying to be mindful of what my limitations are and how to acknowledge/respect them. Sometimes, this means not participating and having serious FOMO, but at the end of the day if you don’t take care of you, who will?
If you related at all to this post, I invite you take an extra moment to acknowledge the awesome things that you are and will continue to do.
