There are several common catchphrases from XOXO. The unofficial motto for the conference is “Lower your expectations,” which featured prominently on the sign welcoming everyone to the opening night party this year. Another one might be “This an experiment,” and that is totally true — the conference changes form constantly: the building, programming, and content are different every year. (There is also no guarantee that there will ever be a next year.)
One of the most common refrains I found myself saying while talking to people about goings-on, or scanning the #xoxofest Twitter hashtag was that I had completely missed a thing — the fear of missing out began to enter my mind. There was, to quote Andy MacMillan’s opening remarks, “too much good stuff” to do.
Since I only have the one body at the moment and the damn Blinovich Limitation Effect limits time travel for future selves coming back to Portland to pick up what I missed, I will just have to wait to play games like Tacoma and Firewatch. Never wandered over to the Arcade venue, as I was absorbed in the stories like Hello From the Magic Tavern, Reply All, and Fray.
This year I had a festival pass, so I missed all of the talks — more missing out! Though I did do some intermittent following along on Twitter and Slack to peek into goings on while I did laundry and puttered around the house. My work laptop sat in its bag, and for a brief moment I considered logging in to see what I was missing out on there. (Missing out of a sort as well, might have missed hundreds of robots emailing me!)
Then it hit me — why was I spending so much time worrying about what I might be missing, when what was in front of me was just as important? Everyone I talked to was open and interesting, I found new books to read, new people to follow on Twitter, even managed to learn how to do a Tim Tam Slam without spilling coffee completely over my shirt. While there were several people I meant to connect with but couldn’t, I did get a chance to an author and tell her just how much her work meant to me and how much I enjoyed it. The things that I was “missing out” on were taking on a prominence that they could never have measured up to, overwhelming what I was doing.
As spectacular and magical as the days of the conference were, there are many days in the year. We’ll see each other again and we have tools to keep in touch — Twitter exists, email exists, the Slack channel for XOXO has been particularly adept at making things happen. (See also teh grumpet sticker now adorning my laptop.) It’s entirely possible that during that particular configuration of spacetime, I did miss out on a thing, but there are other things on other days. For example, last year I regretted not being part of the spontaneous standing ovation for Anita Sarkeesian when she first walked onto the conference stage. This year, not only did I see a remarkable Q&A, I got to be part of another for her. Current me or future me can do a thing that past me couldn’t get to.
FOMO isn’t just for conferences, it’s in careers, friends, and family, too. It’s time to abolish that fear of missing out on other things — “Oh, I can’t do this project because of reason X,” or “If I worked at THAT company, then I could do something really great” or “Can’t make dinner that weekend because I have to click on the internet.” Time management is important, for sure, but it’s also really important to focus on what we’re present and mindful of doing now. Don’t spend all the time fearful of missing out on one experience that you miss out on everything.
