How I stopped asking myself the question of my life?

There is one question which I‘m sure you asked yourself at least once: “What’s the meaning of life?“

Just a year ago, at 28, I was obsessed with this question. It wasn‘t the first time I was asking this to myself. Though the frequency got so higher that I had to do something about it.

The good thing is, nowadays, one doesn’t have to go far to seek the truth. The journey of enlightment begins only with a search on google. At least, that‘s how I started.

Like with any topic, as a beginner, there where some books and other media to consume. The algorithms of Amazon, Google and YouTube were soon fighting over to bring me the best content for me to find my answers.

Already practicing yoga and eating a vegan diet, it was unsurprising that I soon landed into a digitally induced realm of spirituality. In no time, I found myself watching European Buddhists and YouTuber monks. I felt so lucky to be streaming the experience of these wise people without having to spend years in the Far East, shave my head or bath in the Ganges.

I reduced my daily obligations to a minimum and became a full-time seeker of the meaning of my life. Like a modern philosopher, I started actively contemplating everything and what a probable creator might have had on mind. It felt like directing my ears to an eternal sound for the first time. All were trying to whisper me things, I just needed to tune in with the universe to unveil the secrets of life.

Suggestion after suggestion, video after video, I got drawn into a completely different reality and state of mind. I was definitely experiencing the world in incredible ways than before.

After almost a year of excessive spirituality including modern renditions of new-age exercises, I can say I had become someone much different. Instead of what my five senses were telling me, I was much more interested in what was beyond my body’s sensors reach. Soon I arrived at a point where I wasn’t sure anymore if I was seeing things for real or my imagination was tricking me.

What I found out to my surprise, though, is that I was only simulating different realities and playing around with my perception. This was actually my first realisation that whatever the meaning of life is, it isn’t anything to be found through any tools, mediums or rituals.

Just like one can fall in and out of love, the same way I had become spiritual, I began being less and less of it everyday. My habits that had reinforced my spirituality started shifting me in a much more empiric and secular direction.

I can only see it now when I look back how the algorithms of the internet can transform someone into anything. This is exactly what happened to me. Fast forward to today, it’s astonishing and scary to see the speed and broadness of my own transformation.

Within a year, from an avid believer of reincarnation and quantum-somethings, I became hugely empirical and sceptical. In other words, I shifted to another end on the spectrum of belief.

What may seem like a minor displacement in geometrical terms was actually a long distance for me. The opposite ends of the spectrum made me discover things. But the meaning of life wasn‘t among those discoveries.

My biggest discovery is that life doesn‘t have to have one meaning or any meaning at all.

At this very moment, I don‘t believe my life has a purpose or I came to earth to accomplish a particular thing. Maybe there is a purpose and I haven‘t found it yet, maybe I‘ll die never finding it or maybe there is none. But, this doesn’t really matter anyway.

While changing my perspective took a long journey within, another huge contribution to answering the biggest question of my life came from my job.

I‘m a designer and I‘m a problem solver. Solving problems start with asking the right questions, sometimes reframing already existing ones. If you can ask the right questions, you will get the right answers.

The more generic your questions are, the broader answers you‘ll get. I figured out that it doesn‘t matter whether life has a purpose or not. This question was asked by many people before me and there was clearly no right answer.

So, instead, I asked myself:

“What do I already know about life?“

The question may sound absurd at first, but the answers prove to be a good starting point. Here are some things I believe I know about life:

1. No one knows why there is life and how.
2. Sooner or later, like all other humans, I will die.
3. There isn’t an agreed upon meaning of life nor there has to be one.
4. Universe has laws. These create a playground of possibilities and impossibilities.
5. I can‘t control the flow of time. It passes by and I can‘t rewind past time.
6. I perceive time as 1-dimensional and I can only act in the ‘now‘.
7. I am (mostly) free over my actions and decisions.
8. Being a human can be a suffering but also can be fun.
9. No one is born equally and everyone is unique.

The list can go on and on but this already builds a good foundation.

When I put these thoughts together, the following manifesto comes out, my current manifesto of life:

I have limited time on earth. In the long history of humanity there isn’t an agreed upon meaning of life. For reasons that I probably won‘t know, there is universe and life. Laws of the universe make some things impossible while enabling many others, including myself. With my body and mind, I’m unique and perceive life in other ways than anyone. I can choose to admire each second of life, for all I know is that I will experience it for a limited time.

Being a human is a special thing. At times, I may weep in agony or reach the very heights of happiness and love. I can enjoy an ice-cream, feel the raindrops on my cheeks, inhale a warm breeze or be amazed at how silently an owl can fly.

I can be a good person, help others and live a good life. Or maybe not. As long as I don’t get obsessed with it, every now and then, I can ask myself what‘s the meaning of life. Life is all I have. I can waste it seeking an answer or just be in the moment and live in the now.

These paragraphs summarize the way I look at life right now. The writing is neither complete nor perfect. It’s subject to constant change. It works for me at this stage of my life and that‘s all what matters.

Hope my story resonates and helps a bit in your journey of life.

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.“ says Yogi Berra, the famous baseball player.

I say “if you come to life, live it.“

Photo by Sebastian Pena Lambarri on Unsplash