They Made A Crypto Shark Tank. It’s Hilariously Bad.

You don’t get money, you get mentorship LOL

CoinMarketCap and Hello Labs are trying to captivate the Web3 scene with “Killer Whales,” their version of a crypto Shark Tank TV show.

It’s the funniest, most cringe shit I’ve seen since I saw a botched proposal at someone else’s wedding at six years old.

Oh my God — that was bad. This show is worse.

First, you don’t get funding for your project — you get mentorship!

Second, the mentorship isn’t from seasoned financial vets — most of it is from YouTubers with big crypto followings and a few venture capitalists like Anthony Scaramucci who missed on Tesla and Uber.

“This has got to be a parody,” — Brandon Ewing, streamer

If this show were a parody, it would be amazing.

But because it isn’t, it makes Angel Investing — angel mentorship? — in Web3 look like a job at Enron.

Here are the many lowlights:

Crypto Shark Tank Pitch #1: Ticketmaster But Crypto

Shark Tank famously has to dumb down its talks, shorten the length of the pitches, and make it accessible, but…