Give us ALL the Sax (that’s SAX, Pervs!): Scavenger Selects its #1 Greatest Workout Song of All Time
Three words: Oiled-up biceps
After a long, painful selection process, we here at Scavenger have finally selected our #1 greatest workout song of all time.
By “we,” of course, we mean “I,” editor, writer, interviewer, manager Jeff Suwak (I’ve created multiple identities in my head to accommodate my various roles — the resulting infighting and backbiting have been terrible, but at the end of the day we are a family and prefer to think of ourselves as such).
Our choice will have our offices swarming with haters. So be it. There is only one, and there has always been only one, greatest workout song of all time.
We came to this choice through long hours spent in our glorious, filthy (intentionally so) garage-home-gym, which we affectionately (even sexually) call The Dungeon.
Monitoring the precise additional amount of weight that songs empowered us to heroically press, pull, or snatch, we determined that, while there are many swole-inducing serenades out there worthy of mention, there is only one that elevates us to levels beyond those meant for mortal man.
That song is….drum roll please…
Our selection for #1 Greatest Workout Song of all time is “I Still Believe” by Tim Cappello (which is actually a cover of the original by shamefully under-remembered band The Call).
Most of you probably recall Cappello as the bronzed, muscles-about-to-burst-out-of-his-skin behemoth performing at the beach party early in The Lost Boys.
Side question: Why did the heroes go all through all the troubling of fighting the vampires when they could have just enlisted Cappello? The whole thing could have been solved rather quickly and with no bloodshed — other than whatever blood would be exposed by vampire heads being popped off their necks by Cappello’s sublime power.
“I Still Believe” just gets us riled the fuck up here at Scavenger. We have no other way to say it.
The song seems to be about the return of Jesus, but it can be projected into pretty much anything. Essentially, the song is about holding true to your faith and your beliefs in the face of life’s cruel indifference and perpetual bad shakes.
When we snatch the Weights of Existence off the cracked concrete floor and hurl them towards the heavens with grunts and roars of victory, we crank “I Still Believe” and vow that there will be no backing down in this thing— we will improve our beings, we will build our empires, we will write our words, we will fight our demons (and win), we will cherish and protect the ones and the things we love. We WILL.
So hate away haters. The sax is still screaming in the windswept corners of our souls. The light is still glistening off Cappello’s mighty skin. The Weights of Existence are still being forced to defy gravity.
You cannot stop us. Long Live “I Still Believe,” including (no, ESPECIALLY) the ’80s sax.