Introverts of the world unite! (with limited eye contact)
My middle school was big and full of scary people. High school was massive with even scarier people. Don’t get me started on a state university with 40k+ people. We are talking the cast of the Night of the Living Dead. When it comes to showing up on campus for classes, I am quite certain that there are vicious zombies in wait to attack me. They say that the goal is to help me enhance my brain, but is it that far a stretch to believe they really want to fatten my brain up to eat it?
As an introvert, going to a huge university is just tiring. I come home from school every day and pass out. At school, while I know that it would be good for me, I live in fear that the person sitting next to me in French will start up a conversation. English, French… it’s scary. There are a lot of people on campus who could surprise me with a hallway conversation. I don’t want to feel this way, but I do.
I have friends. My best friends have been my friends since middle school. And they are off at other colleges. That leaves me in a school full of strangers. There are new faces in every class and strangers on the Green and in the cafeteria. Even if I made a friend, I would only see them a couple of times a week. I am told that everyone is overwhelmed by all of the strange faces, but somehow it feels like most students enjoy it. I don’t. I find it tiring.
The solution to everything is obviously group project. After all, they forced me to work with other people. So, I spend the entire time trying to figure out how to get away from my team and still get the project done. Being held in these bonds against my will makes me want to run away even more emphatically.
In my first few weeks of school I was unable to eat lunch in the school cafeteria. My stomach hurt. I was nauseous. I spent my time looking for places to hide. The pressure of being in a place full of so many people made me physically ill and drained of all energy. This doesn’t feel normal, but it is my normal. I love the idea people. It just takes me time to warm to them and a college campus isn’t exactly a warm fuzzy place when you are an introvert. It’s a snake den. It’s a home to 10’s of thousands of the thing I dread the most… happy, friendly people.
So, as you wander around campus, if you happen to see someone sitting alone, hiding in the shadow of a tree or under a rock, know that I really do want you to say “Hi.” I do want to have a new friend. And I can be a great friend (I have references). But, don’t be surprised if I run away. While I am good at being a friend, I stink at making friends.
