Gabriella Paiella Does 2014

Hard as it may be to believe, I wrote a bunch of things other than tweets in 2014. Most of my writing before this year was food-focused — and while food is great (shout out to snacks), I honed in on what I love to cover: entertainment, humor, and sex.

On the “Sorry Mom and Dad” beat, I wrote about buttholes and porn parodies. And yes, my proudest professional achievement thusfar is being paid to write the phrase “butthole zeitgeist.”

I also took a critical eye to some of my favorite hate-reads, breaking down what’s behind celebrity lifestyle sites like goop and Preserve. (Hint: It’s the economy, stupid.) Speaking of hate-reads, I called out The Hunt’s tone-deaf real estate coverage with a little homage of my own.

This is as close I’m going to get to fiction writing for you all: an apocalyptic story, Nancy Grace-inspired poetry, Anne Geddes babies I’d like to see, and a yoga routine I’d actually do. Namaste.

I made some fan art for Karl Ove Knausgaard. My fan fiction for him remains unpublished.

In the straightforward and the sentimental realm, I chatted about Broad City with my best friend (tl;dr: good job with the cunnilingus, Comedy Central), talked about some personal fuck-ups, and interviewed my absolute favorite musician.

Here’s to a productive, deranged 2015.