Mitchell’s Lucha Underground Report! (7/26/17)

Season 3, “Booyaka! Booyaka!”

Steven Mitchell
Jul 27, 2017 · 13 min read

All gifs courtesy of http://frentique.tumblr.com/

Brackets updated by me; get the original at Lucha Underground’s Facebook page

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Cueto Cup: The Mack VS Texano; Texano wins and advances.
  • Cueto Cup: Drago VS Pentagon Dark; Pentago wins and advances.
  • PJ Black VS Rey Mysterio; Mysterio wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

In the Battle of the Bulls tournament not too long ago, The Underdog from the Streets won while the Blue Collar Brawler lost, now they both get another chance in this even bigger bracket. Handshake given to show respect, the fans are already fired up. Texano gets a headlock, Mack powers out and feels nothing from Texano’s shoulder. Things speed up, Mack somersaults over Texano to then get a wheelbarrow armdrag. Texano comes back but misses a punch, Mack flies over for a sunset flip, Texano rolls through but misses the kick, schoolboy roll-up, quick kick out, sweep kick out sweep kick out, both men stand tall with agility. The fans are still fired up, Mack and Texano circle and shake hands again. They go again, another headlock from Texano, Mack powers into his own headlock, puts some grind on it, Texano powers out but Mack speeds up to hit a shotgun kick! Texano gets to the apron, Mack comes over but gets a forearm. Texano goes to put Mack in a corner but Mack blocks and triangle jump enziguris all in one motion! Texano goes down, Mack speeds up, Mack FLIES!

Mack topples Texano over, embraces the fans’ cheers, then gets him back in the ring. Mack stomps Texano, snapmares and drives in a knee a few times, Mack runs to hit a low Blockbuster! TWO, Mack keeps his cool. Texano is in a corner, Mach asks they be quiet. They calm down, so they can hear the sharp chop Mack gives Texano. And another! Then a corner to corner whip, Texano elbows out, goes up and flies for a crossbody, TWO. Texano drags Mack up, arm wrench and then a sharp chop of Texano’s to Mack. And another! Corner to corner whip again, Mack reverses, Texano goes to the apron and forearms Mack back again, Texano slingshots onto to get “SHORYUKEN!” from Mack! Mack is dragged out by Texano, Texano whips but is reversed, tilt-o-whirl backbreaker! Mack checks his own leg as a ring count begins. Mack wants to get in, Texano yanks him back to get in first, Mack stands on the apron to get slapped by Texano. Texano wants to but is denied a suplex, Mack lifts Texano but Texano flails for his life. Mack is lifted over and in but slips into a waistlock, Texano elbows his way out. Texano throws a punch, Mack blocks it to hit an exploder! Texano is reeling, Mack gives him a spinning scoop slam, TWO! Mack isn’t deterred, he just knocks a stone cold one back. But hold on! Famous B appears and gets in the ring? And this would-be cowboy uses his water pistol on Mack.

Mack gives Famous B a stunner!

Texano pounces, sit-out powerbomb! Texano wins! Famous B paid a hefty price, was it enough to get Texano in his stable?

Havoc knows why Madness is here. Havoc’s ready to brawl, he’s not going back. “Not after what happened.” The two go back and forth in blocks and holds, but Madness says Havoc can either fight him or hear him out. Then say what you’re gonna say! “You turned your back on the club, so now, I’m gonna make your life a living Hell.” Unless Havoc decides to come back to the “Invisible Cult.” Havoc won’t ever go back, he “went nomad” for a reason! Nomad or not, he’ll come home eventually, “even if it’s just your head!” Madness means business, just how serious is this?

Mad Hatter Paul London wins, and Mascarita Sagrada comes by. Seems he got them a present, to make up for them all failing in the Cueto Cup. Sagrada leaves, they read the card. “Hope this brings you better luck.”

They open the gift to reveal… Rabbit’s feet?! NO~!!

The Serpent Tribe’s fire-breathing luchador has no friends, but his opponent has no fear, which one has no future in this tournament? The fans are already thunderous over this first time ever match-up, even as these two just circle around. Drago and Dark tie up, standing switches, Drago sits down but Dark puts on a facelock, Drago slips out but Dark holds on to an arm. Drago spins and flips out, arm drag but Dark cartwheels through, leg trip and then Drago pulls Dark up, snapmare counter, back to leg trip, sweeps and covers in succession, it’s a stand-off and the crowd loves it. The Believers are strong behind Pentagon over the “sell-out” Drago, Pentagon gives Drago a spinning back kick and a sharp chop. Kobra trash talks Pentagon, he swings at her. Dark throws Drago at the ropes, Drago goes Spider-Man, Dark lunges but tumbles out when Drago dodges. Drago speeds up, Drago FLIES! A corkscrew knocks Pentagon down, the fans fire up with chants of “Lucha! Lucha! Lucha!” Drago keeps on Pentagon by throwing him into the railing. Drago gives sharp kicks and punches before putting Dark in the ring. Drago dares Dark to get up, Dark does but gets a kick. The fans rally for Dark with cheers of “Cero Miedo!” Drago stands Pentagon up, corner to corner whip, Dark takes the clothesline to rush back and give one of his own! Dark runs, Drago gives him a dropkick. Drago runs, Dark kicks out a leg! Pentagon runs, sees Drago pursuing, so he throws Drago overhead into the buckles! Cover, TWO, Dark is upset with the referee. The fans rally as Dark drags Drago up, whip but reversed, Drago unleashes strikes before running, wheelbarrow for the victory roll, TWO! Drak swings, roll up, TWO, mule kick from Drago. Drago runs, huricanrana pin, TWO. Drago and Kobra are both frustrated, Drago kicks away at Dark’s leg, Drago runs and handsprings, but Dark dropkicks him right in the ribs! Pentagon Dark stands on Drago for the pin, TWO, and yet Dark gets frustrated with the ref. Kobra shakes Drago’s chain to get him to get up, Dark is upon him with a half-nelson. Pentagon lifts Drago in a pump handle but Drago armdrags out of it, then gives a mule kick to hit a running Blockbuster! TWO, Kobra is frustrated. Drago kicks but Dark ducks, Dark shoves Drago, Drago uses that to rebound off ropes and slide off Dark’s back, bump and springboard but Dark grabs Drago, Pentagon Package Driver! TWO! Kobra tells her Drago to get going, Dark gives Drago forearms and then at the ropes, “Shh…!” Loud chop from Pentagon rocks Drago. “Otra! Otra! Otra!” the Believers shot, but Drago blocks the second chop to hit back and then hit an acrobatic tornado DDT! TWO, Kobra is further upset. Dark rushes in, Drago puts him on the top rope, Drago hops up and gives Dark a Super Steiner! Drago goes back up, frog splash! TWO, Dark gets to a corner. Drago rushes in, misses, Drago dodges but dark hops up, jumping “Pentacan” Destroyer!

TWO! Dark is upset, but he doesn’t stop. He goes to a corner, Drago rushes him, Pentagon puts Dragon up on the top rope, Drago gets tripped up, Dark lifts Drago butterfly underhook style, and on the run, Package Piledriver!!

Pentagon Dark wins! And with the Believers all wanting it, Pentagon prepares the Dark Armbar, but Kobra slithers in, SUPERKICK! No fear, no mercy, Pentagon goes back to Drago for that armbar, but Aerostar makes the save with a destroyer! Aero gets Drago up, hoping he’s reached through to his centuries-old friend. He hasn’t! Drago kicks Aero, then gives him a hammerlock facebuster! Drago and his queen get away, so Dark goes after Aero! The Dark Armbar breaks Aero’s arm!! When you have friends like these, who needs enemies?

“Once upon a time, you took something from Mil Muertes.” The Damsel of Death reminds Pentagon of the brutal attack he launched on the Man of 1000 Deaths to make sure Muertes would not become Lucha Underground Champion. Mil and Catrina “never forget a debt.” Pentagon reminds her he has “Cero Miedo”!

Catrina tempts Pentagon with talk of advancing even further in the Cueto Cup. Mil Muertes will be waiting in semi-finals to not only end Pentagon’s run in the tournament, but end him period. She disappears, leaving Pentagon to ponder upon the coming quarterfinals. If Pentagon defeats the Blue Collar Brawler, and if Mil Muertes overcomes the Lucha Death Machine, will this collision of cold hearts come to pass?

In order to help the leader of the Worldwide Underground have an edge on his #1 contender, as well as to prove something of himself, the Darewolf goes up against the King of Lucha Libre! They circle, tie up, PJ gets a waistlock on Rey, then shoves Rey to ropes, Rey speeds things up into a hip toss counter and a headscissors. Rey tries a waistlock but PJ bucks him off, things speed up again, PJ blocks the hip toss to sweep the legs, quick kick out for Rey to then roll back into a wheelbarrow victory roll, TWO. Stand off, the fans applaud. PJ wants a handshake but Rey doesn’t trust it, for good reason, so instead PJ boots Rey right in the face. The fans jeer as PJ poses, PJ stomps but misses, rey kicks but is blocked, PJ gives Rey a stiff right hand. Rey slips out of the back suplex, boots PJ and then springboards to headscissor PJ out of the ring. PJ wants a time-out, doesn’t get one as Rey baseball slides out. Rey runs at PJ, tilt-o-whirl torture rack, to a backbreaker! PJ grins at how he’s handling the lucha legend, the fans jeer and boo as PJ stands on Rey to flex. PJ puts Rey in the ring, goes top rope, PJ loads a bow to shoot an arrow of a falling punch at Rey. Cover, TWO, PJ doesn’t slow down. He suplexes and rolls through to put Rey in a double arm submission hold. He transitions to a motorcycle hold, Rey uses his legs to kick PJ in the head. Rey kip-up and arm drags PJ to ropes, Rey runs but SUPERKICK intercepts! Cover, TWO, PJ is a bit frustrated now. PJ tells the fans to “Shut up” while he springboards up, Rey dropkicks him out of the air!

The fans chant for Rey, he and PJ stir. They brawl on their knees, then move up to their feet, PJ swings the first kick, Rey swings stronger ones. Rey winds up, PJ blocks and swings only to miss, Rey gets a waistlock but PJ elbows out of it, roundhouse rocks Rey. PJ roars, swings again but is blocked. Kicks rock PJ back, Rey runs but PJ sits Rey on the top rope, PJ shoves Rey off only for Rey to bring PJ with him! PJ staggers, Rey gets up and mule kicks. Springboard Asai!

Rey takes PJ down, the fans are all fired up! A ring count begins, the Believers rally Rey to get PJ in the ring. PJ tries to recover, Rey springboards for the seated senton. Rey speeds things up, springboard crossbody, TWO. Rey doesn’t slow down, he puts PJ in a corner to whip corner to corner but is reversed, PJ rushes in but takes a boot. Rey whips PJ again but is still reversed, up and over to tilt-o-whirl headscissor PJ into that corner. PJ is down, Rey goes up. PJ trips Rey up, Tree of Woe, and with Rey’s notoriously bad leg on top of it. PJ goes up, Rey is stuck, PJ hits the double stomps! The fans boo as PJ sits on a cocky pin, TWO. PJ is frustrated, so he lines up a shot on Rey. Spinning heel kick knocks Rey back down, PJ goes up again, Rey trips PJ up now. PJ falls on the corner hard, Rey rocks him with rights before setting PJ up how he wants him. Rey goes up, Super Steiner rolled through into a phenomenal facebuster!

TWO, and PJ is shocked! PJ flips off the fans that jeer, he drags Rey up, powerbomb turns into a seated senton. Rey runs, springboard moonsault but PJ catches him, tilt-o-whirl DDT, but there was a ref bump! Rey wants a cover, but there’s no one to count. Mundo comes in to mockingly count TWO, to then stomp Rey out. The Lucha Underground Champion is getting his shots in now, including a Shining Wizard. Mundo revives the Darewolf, and coordinates a double suplex, that Jack Evans appears to add a SUPERKICK to.

The WWU celebrates, but El Dragon Azteca comes in to clean up! Tilt-o-whirl Tornado DDT on PJ! Azteca dumps Mundo out then speeds up, but Taya drags him out. She throws Azteca into the wall, Mundo and Jack arrange Rey and PJ just right while reviving the ref. TWO!!

After all the work the WWU put into this screw job and it didn’t work! Azteca returns to run them off with a chair! Back to just PJ and Rey, “This is awesome!” PJ roars, drags Rey up, dominator position into Razor’s Edge, but it’s a headscissor counter! 6 1 9!

Springboard frog splash, Rey wins! Rey then takes to the mic to tell PJ, “this doesn’t concern you.” His words are for Mundo. Mundo can’t run forever. And he’ll get tired of running, in four weeks at the Cueto Cup finals. And in those four weeks, in front of Rey’s people, “we are going to make history”, when Rey becomes the new Lucha Underground Champion! But don’t worry, Mundo won’t leave empty handed. He’ll be sent home with a 6! 1! 9! The Worldwide Underground’s rudo tactics were not enough, will the King of Lucha become the King of Lucha Underground?

My Thoughts:

Another excellent night of Lucha Underground, and an excellent way to end the second round of their premier tournament. Texano and Mack have a solid match, but the real story was that Texano wins thanks to Famous B still trying to court him as a client. Then Drago and Pentagon Dark have an amazing match, fast but stiff action, and the story there is that Kobra Moon still has a hold over Drago’s mind and heart, even after Aerostar saves him and ends up sacrificing himself and his arm to Pentagon’s thirst for violence. Catrina brings up history between Pentagon and Mil Muertes, perhaps overlooking Jeremiah Crane already, but this could easily influence how the quarterfinals go. Famous B could be rejected to then screw over Texano against Pentagon, and Mil can have an instant classic against his rival in love to then come out on top thanks to Catrina, giving us an insanely dark and violent semifinal match. Or it could go the reverse, and those two settle things completely separate from the tournament for what is still an insanely dark and violent grudge match. And don’t worry, I’m pretty sure there’s a way around Aerostar getting a broken arm, what with him being a time traveler or something. That way, Aero and Drago can have their grudge match to see if Aero can break the hold Kobra has over Drago.

Drago-Pentagon may have been amazing, but the main event was incredible. PJ Black indeed does show he can match up with the living lucha libre legend, but being a Heel stable, the WWU takes advantage of every opportunity, which is fine per their characters and the story. Fortunately for Rey, he has his protege watching his back, great stuff between Azteca and the WWU, and Rey shows his legend-level fortitude by still kicking out after taking that Superkick Brainbuster. Rey goes over to keep momentum towards his highly hyped and highly anticipated championship match with Mundo, things are getting rather personal so that match is going to be one of the best Lucha Underground puts on all season. I almost hope Dario Cueto adds a last-minute stipulation to make it more interesting, but it’s already great as is.

My Score: 8.5/10

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade