Why did I have to choose between being a kick-ass executive and being a woman?
Girls in Tech. Challenge accepted!
For as long as I can remember, I have always been a skeptic, questioning why things are the way they are. Paired with a strong sense of empathy and an abhorrence for injustice, it fueled my challenging of the status quo early on (some would call it issues with authority…). It made for an interesting life from the get go!
- Always played the ‘Indian’ in the ‘Cowboys and Indians’ game.
- Every spring, tried to save the baby finches as my father removed their nest from our barrel tiles roof.
- Witnessing the Lebanon war as a middle schooler, wanted to become a fighter jet pilot (don’t ask!).
- Living in Africa for a few months as a teenager, decided to pursue biology research career to feed the world.
None of it turned as planned! No chicks ever survived. Obviously, not a military pilot and opposed to all act of violence (I’m vegan for crying out loud!). I did study biology but was not fit for becoming a professional student, which is what doing research required. Instead, I flew 6,000 miles away from home, straight to the Caribbean.
Quite independent, I had never been attracted to any feminist movement. I was not even friends with women in general. Competitive by nature, the business world I fell into out of college was a perfect fit. Always in some type of leadership position, I didn’t experience or more accurately, I wasn’t cognizant of being treated differently because I was a woman.
Until I realized: I was the one treating myself differently because I am a woman! It was the winter of 2004. At the time, I was in the Dominican Republic, leading a casino project. We were in an executive committee session. The owner himself was present. One of the executives who flew from headquarters was hesitant to discuss a sensitive topic in front of me. The owner said to him: “Go ahead. She’s not like a woman. She’s like us.” I couldn’t have been more dumbstruck if hit by lighting. I could only blurt out “I am no man!”.
It was an extraordinary compliment coming from that man, trust me! But it left me with a bad taste in my mouth. How did I put myself in a position where I had to choose between being a kick-ass executive and being a woman? Thinking about it, I realized that the only blueprint I have ever had since I was born was the patriarchal model. My skepticism was no match for this subconscious imprint!
PATRIARCHY: PAY-tree-arky(noun)
From Greek patriarkēs: ruling father
A social system in which males hold primary power and predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property.
In the domain of the family, fathers or father-figures hold authority over women and children and descent is traced through the male line.
Women are not statistically a minority. The sex ratio for the entire world population is roughly 1:1. But women are considered a minority because of the imbalance of power. For women, the only option to match up in this male dominated environment is to exceed expectations, hide emotions, be tough but still be attractive, etc. In other words: be perfect in the eyes of the ruler. And did I aspire to that perfection! Even though I was quite adventurous, taking on challenging projects in foreign countries all by myself, that unshakable sense of perfectionism nearly killed me. Twice. What my mind couldn’t stop obsessing about, my body was willing to shut it down.
Reshma Saujani gave a great Ted talk on the perfection expected from women “Teach girls bravery, not perfection”. Reshma founded Girls Who Code to socialize young girls to take risks and learn to program — two skills they need to move society forward. She cites an HP report which found that men apply for a job if they meet only 60% of the qualifications but women will apply only if they meet 100% of the qualifications. 100%. She sees this as evidence that women have been socialized to aspire to perfection and are overly cautious. For the hundreds of thousands of jobs currently open in tech, women are left behind. To truly thrive, society cannot leave behind half of the population. “I need each of you to tell every young woman you know to be comfortable with imperfection”, she says.
It took me almost another 10 years, going through most of the same, before getting out of that environment. As a corporate dropout, I was burned out. I thought of myself as a smart person, yet I continuously repeated the same pattern, knowing full well what the results would be. That’s Einstein’s definition of insanity.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” ~ Albert Einstein
I needed to rebuild myself. So, I turned back to science. I went back to school to study subconscious patterns and negative behaviors and how to affect them for positive changes. It taught me a lot about myself and I meandered in that realm for a while in hope to help other women with their rebuilding process, whatever it was. Ironically enough, the clear majority of my clients were men. Got to love the universe’s sense of humor!
Relocated to Phoenix, I became more and more involved with the local startup ecosystem through mentoring, advising and public speaking. Entrepreneurship aficionado and passionate about startups, I quickly went back to my area of expertise, growing organizations. And again, I found myself working exclusively with men. Only when I mentor tech startups in higher Ed programs do I work with female founders.
At the risk of stating the obvious, there is still no culture of diversity in our society. Merely an effort to increase minorities’ representation. Until we create an environment in which, truly, anyone can thrive, our society is left behind, our economy is left behind and we, as a people, are left behind.
I recently accepted a position on the board of Girls in Tech Phoenix. I have the privilege to co-chair the Mentorship Committee. Our goal is to create a culture of diversity in the Metro Phoenix technology scene. No less. A BHAG for sure (Big Hairy Audacious Goal).
Girls in Tech (GIT) is a global non-profit focused on the engagement, education and empowerment of girls and women who are passionate about technology. Today, GIT aims to accelerate the growth of innovative women entering into the high-tech industry and building startups. With headquarters in San Francisco and more than 50,000 members located around the globe, GIT relies on volunteer efforts to lead each of the 60 local chapters. Sign up here and stay tuned for upcoming event. It’s one thing to say you’re committed to diversity in tech, it’s another to take actionable steps.
This is not a zero-sum game. Each one of us exists in the interest of the others. Let see if our insanity can be cured.
Carine Dieudé is a Partner & Director of Strategy, and an Entrepreneurship Aficionado, at Altima Business Solutions: Capital Acquisition, Growth and exit strategies, Finances and Operations, for startup, small and medium-sized businesses.
