The Three Mistakes of my UPSC Journey
Throughout my preparation, whenever I came across advice from toppers, it seemed to me that studying for this exam came naturally to them. This is because many toppers don’t go into how long and frustrating the process of reaching the correct strategy to clear this exam can be. I hope that by sharing my mistakes, aspirants out there feel a little less alone. So here’s a warm welcome to my click-bait style, Chetan Bhagat and Buzzfeed-inspired listicle. I hope it helps.
No one who clears this exam is perfect, and I’ve learnt that about myself along the way.
Mistake 1 – Not taking this exam seriously
I cleared UPSC CSE in my third attempt, but I would say it was the first focused one. During my previous attempts, I tried to manage college and work along with UPSC, but was unable to find the right balance. The first time I walked into the exam hall for Prelims, I hadn’t even finished Laxmikanth for Polity. The second time, I had managed to cover the basic books, but had done barely any mock tests. I was woefully underprepared for mains, even if prelims had happened. Predictably, I failed to clear Prelims in both 2018 & 2019.
Nothing is more devastating than failure. Especially when it happens twice. I pulled my socks up, made a plan and decided to dedicate a solid year of my life, at the very least, to the Civil Services Examination.
I’m not saying that you can’t clear this exam while working, studying or doing something else. Of course you can, and many people do. But it makes an incredibly tough exam even tougher. No matter what your background is, you need to orient yourself to UPSC. I had actually worked in the Rajya Sabha, and still got prelims questions about Parliament wrong. There’s no substitute for exam-oriented, focused studying, and I learnt this the hard way.
You certainly shouldn’t be harsh on yourself, but practically, you should know what this exam requires from you. You need to give it 8 hours of focused study, every single day, for 2 whole years. Only with this level of hard work, grit and determination, you would be in a place where the small amount of luck needed can come to you. Don’t just ‘give’ attempts, thinking something is going to get you through — there’s someone out there, working the hardest they can, and they are going to clear.
Mistake 2 — Not asking for help
When I decided to write UPSC, the sheer scale of the examination certainly felt unsurmountable. But more than that, I was afraid about the judgment I would face if I wasn’t able to clear. I began to conceal the fact that I was giving this exam. Sometimes, keeping things to yourself is helpful as it shields you from external questioning when you are vulnerable. However, I took it to another extreme. Whenever anyone would ask me what I was doing (A fairly reasonable question), I would feel embarrassed rather than proud that I was writing UPSC. So asking for help at the time was a distant possibility.
I knew of people in my extended circle writing UPSC. But I was really apprehensive about reaching out to them because of the competitive nature of this exam. I felt I wasn’t worthy of help, because I hadn’t achieved anything yet. I did read some blogs and watch some videos, but I didn’t ask queries to anyone in particular. I prepared for prelims largely on my own. After clearing prelims in 2020, I coincidently got in touch with some other aspirants and began to build a support system. I realized that those who judge you will judge you regardless of what you are doing. You need to avoid judgmental and critical people regardless of what you are doing in life.
The relationships I formed during the Mains phase of this examination are the core reason I could clear. I had someone to reach out to when I was down, and I was able to be there for someone else. It made the process of giving UPSC CSE a lot less lonely. I got mentorship from those who had reached various stages of the exam before me, like Saisha and Manoj, whom I truly consider some of the kindest people on this planet. And then there were the friends like Vasu and Ayani who motivated me to study even along with. Lastly there were those whose blogs and videos I fell in love with — Petal Gahlot Ma’am, Dhananjay Singh Yadav Sir, Anudeep Durishetty Sir, Megha Arora Ma’am and Abhimanyu Gahlaut Sir — and who inspired me to write this, hoping it helps someone else. I learnt that the more you give in life, the more you get in return.
Mistake 3 — Not knowing myself
This is THE most important thing. Not just for this exam, but for life. Let me just give one example — I believed, like a lot of people do, that Old Rajinder Nagar was the holy grail for UPSC. So I found a decent hostel and moved there in June 2018 when I began my job in Delhi. I absolutely hated ORN. I hated the food and the pigeons outside my room. I hated that my room had no windows but I was paying through the nose for it. But more than these things, I hated having restrictions. I hated having a matronly woman outside my door at all hours, asking me what I am doing 24/7. It just wasn’t the environment I had grown up in, and definitely not one I could prosper in. I was out in a week.
Maybe this was a bad hostel, and I’ll give ORN the benefit of doubt. I didn’t even enter the famed halls of any coaching institution. But if you’re emotionally fragile and insecure like me, ORN can get to you. One day, when you’re waiting in a two hour long line into a coaching class, you’ll eventually realize that there are more people in this line than IFS officers in the world. Some people thrive in such competition, and some don’t. And I definitely didn’t. After this bad experience, I realized I needed to be surrounded by uplifting and slightly delusional people who can convince me to believe in myself. So I moved back home, and leaned on people I’d known for years. I’m not saying don’t go to ORN. It is, after all, the place with the best resources (Although I’d say the best resource is YOU). But it wasn’t right for me.
And that’s what you should take away from every topper’s strategy — what is right for you. Just because someone studied for 15 hours a day, doesn’t mean you have to. Just because someone made hundreds of notes, doesn’t mean you must. Keep testing yourself, and see what works for you. See how you can mould yourself to what this exam requires and don’t blindly copy someone else’s strategy.
Why did I start out by writing about mistakes? Because when you start to prepare for this exam, you’re bound to make some. The nature of this exam is such that there is a mind-boggling amount of information and guidance out there. It is a mental and emotional tornado and when you’re in it, you don’t realize how engulfing it really is. So it’s really okay. It’s okay if you get 50 marks on your first prelims mock test. It’s okay if you can’t finish your ethics paper in time. And it’s definitely okay if someone tells you you’re not good enough in a mock interview.
It’s okay to make mistakes.
People who clear this exam are not just high in intelligence and persistent in their hard work, but have had the emotional resilience to face their mistakes and grow from them. And I hope all of you find the courage to do the same.
Please feel free to email me at nirjashahcse@gmail.com incase of any feedback, suggestions or queries.
