Pausing “Trauma” — Yoga F-ing Sucks #4
I was going in circles… again.
Over the past 2 weeks, I entered a deep state of introspection to examine old wounds. I went as deep as I could. The more I continued to dig, like the keen system thinker I am, the more I realised that there might be a single truth at play here. In evolutionary biology, we learn about parsimonious analysis where we look for a single source or inflection point that alters genes to exhibit a new trait in an animal.
What was that truth? What was the one inflection point to my problems? Yet the moment I got what I thought was “the source”, like an infinite onion, another layer manifested. As we Hindus say, neti neti; not this not that.
I was going in circles… again. Crap.
I was causing my own problems and inaction, in fact I wrote a whole book on it.
I was in a state of pathological inaction. Ironically, the very act of examination was causing my problems because you’ll always find problems. Like a car, if you look hard enough, you’ll find something to clean and fix.
I was scared to change so I opted for finding problems as a default state, not acting on solutions. To be fair, part of me was trying to find that one problem to fix everything but the more I examine the self, the less I realise that’s true. The very act of “problem hunting” is the problem and the source of unneeded emotional instability in my life.
I fear change and focus on other issues, as my physical limitations resist change like an ego using defensive tactics to hinder progress.
Yoga is teaching me that the body (and thus the universe) are constantly changing, and problems will always arise. This serves as a reminder that change is inevitable.
That’s why yoga positions are “weird”, no one sits or moves like that… but that’s the point. It’s controlled discomfort to expose the self to flux.
Now, my body feels lighter and looser because I am making an effort to think less about my problems and more on solutions. My posture is improving and I am tolerating certain positions in yoga a lot more than before.
More importantly, the physical actions and feedback from yoga positions teach me to embrace change for what it is, which translates well into life. We begin to see the world from what the Chinese call Wu Wei… effortless flow.
But… look… yoga still f-ing sucks though. Why? Because yoga is never wrong and it’s getting really annoying lol
Word count: 424
Total time spent writing/editing: approx. 1.5 hours
Total time sitting cross legged on yoga blocks while writing/editing this post: 0 mins (but I am looser!)
Twitter: @bhavprajapati
