Getting Distance When We Get Attached

Coming Back To Our Practice

This week, I felt that the three to four hours between my morning meeting and my yoga class was far too long. I had worked in the construction industry for years and had managed a 500-room hotel renovation, but this one kitchen project was now making me yearn for an hour of quiet and meditation. I realized, as I tried to recall my breathing exercises that morning, that we can get emotionally attached to things that we care deeply about and often the best thing we can do is get some space.
My boyfriend and I have been discussing renovating his kitchen for about six months now. It may seem odd that I have been so involved in his kitchen, but as mentioned, my background is in construction and although I don’t work in it today, I still am passionate about it. Ironically, if I think back to our first date, the majority of our conversation centered around my asking him about this and what other projects he would like to do to his house.
Needless to say, as the relationship grew, I grew even more attached. I spend time now in this kitchen and since we seem to be on the same page about a lot of things, I foresee myself continuing to spend time here.
While we agree on most things, there are a few things that we discuss more energetically, shall we say, and it almost always involves cabinets, countertops, and tile. This project was bringing up issues like cost vs. quality that we often don’t care so much about when choosing what movie to see or where to go for dinner on a Friday night.
To illustrate it further, over the last few months, we have been to five kitchen designers, three stone yards, and even had my mother fly 3000 miles to consult with us because she specializes in interior design.
Thus, when we were making some final decisions this week and we were still debating one cabinetmaker over another, I knew that I both cared about him and that I also needed some distance. I knew that this relationship would be stronger after this kitchen, but that I also couldn’t see the forest for the trees. After practicing yoga for 20+ years, I knew that if I had some time to stretch, breath, and center in a quiet place, it would all make sense.
Thankfully, I was right. I made it through the meeting without blowing my top, we made the final decisions, and I headed off to class. A few hours later, I was much better. Although I still wasn’t in complete agreement with the decision we had made, I could see his point, and was looking forward to what will arrive in six weeks.