What We Dread Is Perhaps What We Need The Most
Perhaps the ego gets involved, perhaps we are afraid, or we don’t know what we are going to say.
Many of you know I have had about sixteen boyfriends in about seventeen years. Heck, quite many of you on this distribution list have probably been one of them. I am very good about keeping in touch with old flames because I believe that I date good people, but I also know that I am thirty-eight years old and have not been able to make one of those flames last for a long term commitment.
My typical length of time for a relationship is about six months. Right now, I am at month 5 with my current one, and I can feel it stirring up all types of familiar feelings. Thoughts like, “Is life easier when I am on my own?” or “What type of work project could I find that would take me out of town for a while, if not permanently?” Besides the sixteen boyfriends, there have been also about seventeen places I’ve lived and endless projects.
Because I think he has potential and I am not ready to pack my bags quite yet, this stage has caused me to look at things like “Where are my values?” “Is this the life I imagined?” and “Will my parents/family agree with my choice?”
As the universe saw to it, I had to speak to my Dad this morning about some technological issues, and thus, the topic came up. I spoke to my Dad for the first time about the details of the relationship. With so many boyfriends in the past, I have stopped giving details to my family until after a few months. Often, by the time I finish the report, the relationship has ended.
In all honesty, I was dreading this day in many ways. Would my Dad agree with my decision? If he didn’t, what would I do? As I began to speak, the words started to flow out like water. I was able to express thoughts and ideas to him like I could no one else. I realized that he knew me so well and always had my best interests in mind. All those doubts and concerns came flowing out and I felt 100% understood. How could I have been avoiding this day when in reality, it was exactly what I needed?
At the end of the conversation, my Dad and I calmly addressed my concerns. He also liked to hear the positive aspects of the relationship, and thought them even more positive than I did, if that was possible.
Sometimes what we are avoiding is exactly what we need. Perhaps the ego gets involved, perhaps we are afraid, or we don’t know what we are going to say. After this conversation today, I felt free and ready to move forward with Month 6 to see what it brings.
