Synthesis

A recount of a Yoga Teacher Training Journey

As the rain came down I stared at the flat rear tire of my motorcycle as a flood of relief washed over me. All morning my gut had been in a knot and I felt strange, like my veins were flooded with blue radioactive water. I was stressing over work. The God’s were trying to tell me something…

The First Step

I guess I was always going to end up in a yoga class at some point in time. An ageing hippy, all through my adult life there has been a theme of spirituality which at different times for various reasons, I have either embraced or ignored. I have pursued “Nordic Runes” for years, partly because it appeals to my Anglo/Celtic heritage, (predating Christianity), combined with the concept that we already know the answer, we just need to know the right question and be willing and able to listen for the answer.

I had read all sorts of books and guessed that when Socrates said “the unexamined life is not worth living” or when Jesus said “the kingdom of God is within you”, that this was similar to the essence of yoga?

But when I read Schiffmann and Iyengar and they spoke of “moving into the stillness”, that really resonated with me. Sutra 2.2 means the goal of yoga is not to obtain something that is lacking, it is the realization of an already present reality. Or that “Yoga is the journey of the Self, through the Self, to the Self” and for some reason that just makes sense to me.

For a number of years prior to my “Introduction to Yoga course” I had been experiencing back pain from what doctors called a degenerative disc disorder and suffered sciatica as well. Looking back, this, combined with a corporate lifestyle and a tendency to substance abuse indicated I was headed into the standard array of late life health issues.

Ultimately this is what turned me towards yoga. From the first night this “stillness” concept intrigued me and the improvement in my back was instantly noticeable. At this point back pain was limiting my life and I was treating it the standard way. I now believe taking pain killers and an operation to fuse discs is a western, “tick one box” fits all approach to health. In the stillness, if we try to listen and trust ourselves, our bodies tell us what we need. I still can’t say I listen all the time or I hear every word of the message. I like to think I have cured my back but maybe I’ve just deferred the inevitable. But it doesn’t matter, my life is better in so many ways that if there is no further improvement, the trip so far has been worth it. And yoga doesn’t care what state my body is in, there is always room for me on a mat somewhere.

Around the same time as starting yoga I attended an 8 week meditation course and this threw up a number of insights. One night near the end of the course while meditating, a ball of tightness was released from my belly, (possibly Svadisthana), bringing tears as it rose. I’m not sure if I was more embarrassed or stunned, I didn’t share, (I hadn’t heard of Sankalpa or thought of one at this stage). I just sat there, pondering this meditation thing. Perhaps that was a relief valve letting go but it was a taste of things to come.

I experimented with many drugs through my teens and twenties combined with reading anything from the Gita to Gurdjieff. It’s a well beaten path, getting high to experience something akin to enlightenment, but a dangerous futile one, again, the Gods were looking out for me and I survived, stronger and more wise. For me there was no issue I was running from, I just love to experience something. Motorcycles are the same. When riding fast, the focus required brings a purity of sorts, almost meditative that I now recognise. Travelling in the outback, living simply, sleeping on the ground, living in the environment, I can sense the spirituality the Traditional Owners speak of. To me these are examples of yoga off the mat, (even if Iyengar warns against speed). As an aside, I think riding old BMW’s is a very yogic thing to do. Those engines have a perfect balance and refusing to enter the buy/replace/consume cycle to me is Santosha and/or in some way Aparigraha in action. To spend hours inside your own head with very little distraction, is pretty special, I think.

The Challenge

From a male perspective, something that appears so easy that it gets overlooked by 50% of the population, yoga tosses up sooo many challenges.

The external ego was never really a problem for me. As a woman on the next mat turns herself inside out or balances on her arms, comparison is a useless past time. “I is what I is” and it’s the result of a lifetime of decisions; no point in beating myself up over it.

Internally, however, the male drive to improve continually raises this dichotomy of “you are where you are today and that’s ok” as opposed to increasing strength to enable ease in the pose. A number of injuries occurred and this still challenges me, Aparigraha versus Ahimsa, maybe I’m still not listening hard enough.

To the external world, you could call me the reluctant Yogi. My Sankalpa is “to become an artist” and by this I mean to become more vulnerable in the world. I have extreme admiration for anyone who just lays it all out there, (feelings, emotions, their truth), and says “if you can’t handle that, it’s your problem”. While I have suggested to some that yoga may assist them, I don’t generally announce my interest or share how much of my life it occupies. However, the lesson is that the times I have, the response has always been positive.

For me, one of the biggest challenges is to accept concepts such as the Yogic Energy Model. My son would ask me, “Dad, do you believe in Chakras?” I didn’t have an answer. I like the concept and I’ll elaborate later on. I think for me the biggest challenge is that yoga has been drawn into the greater new age, spiritual, marketing, big yoga, mumbo jumbo. The cynic in me would say, “old men in tie-dyed happy pants and ponytails offering weekend retreats to realign your Chakras for a cost that could feed a third world nation for a week”. I have no desire to be associated with that and my Sankalpa I guess in part, addresses that. To be part of the groundswell of the “wellness industry” but follow my own path.

So in many different ways this east/west collision is my biggest challenge but all is not lost.

When did transitions occur?

The transition from corporate salaryman to sitting in the rain, on the edge of something new has been gradual, with the odd light bulb moment. Even after a couple of weeks of practice I was looking around the Pine Rivers Yoga site and saw the Yoga Teacher Training course. I was intrigued and knew this was something I wanted to pursue. Very early on, I remember, I hurt my back and was off the mat for a few days, but as I gingerly returned, I noticed the subtlety of yoga and felt a change with reduced effort. It’s counter intuitive to a “no pain, no gain” mindset.

Sometime later I was really tired one afternoon and I should have just gone to bed but no, Ego said we must persist! Result, more lower back pain. But, by this time I had read some teacher training readings. This, with some research and uncovering alignment concepts, combined with careful choice of pose, observation and patience, meant I could continue to practice. This was a valuable lesson both personally and from a teaching perspective.

On another level, to be a lone male in a group of females is a special place to be, (especially this group anyway). Some would see this as a challenge. But, to be accepted, but not expected to be something, anything other than me), as a Yogi was a gift. It also afforded me a space to allow my creativity to grow in a positive environment.

While leading a class one day, I made a connection between the Ananda Maya Kosha and Happy Baby or Ananda Balasana. I think when we are babies we are pure consciousness before it gets smothered by the rules of our physical life.

Yoga theory has flowed over into my private life. Some situation will arise and bang, Ahimsa versus Aparigraha. Santosha in the form of chanting the Gayatri mantra when stuck in traffic, saying to myself inside my helmet, “yeah, go ahead, cut me off, come on in, there’s heaps of room in my lane”. Amazing transition.

How did I progress through stages?

When I began teacher training I had only been practising less than six months so I had a lot to learn; we were discussing poses I hadn’t heard of, never mind tried.

After years of sedentary work I wasn’t very strong and after a full weekend of training I would be sore, yet still seeking relief on the mat.

I remember not long after completing the beginner course I thought, “got this covered”, so I went to an intermediate night class and soon realised how out of my depth I was. Then the reverse happened, after progressing and going to some intermediate classes, due to some circumstance, I would then attend a community class thinking this will be a rest, but something would pop out to challenge me (and my arrogance). So, I now approach each practice with an open mind and the intention to observe myself. So many lessons on so many levels.

About halfway through teacher training, I got news that the company I work for had been sold to an Equity Venture business. This resulted in four projects back to back in the last six to eight months. Coinciding with the last six months of teacher training, I really had my hands full. I guess I never really conformed to the standard management template but it became increasingly obvious I no longer fitted in this corporate world. There was a drive to merge two businesses together and it failed spectacularly but as a local manager, I was a main point of contact and I just couldn’t keep up with the demand on my time and internal strength.

So back to me, sitting at an air pump in a service station with a flat tyre, in the pouring rain. Feeling relief, not worried at all about the situation. It was a strange odyssey of a day. I later found myself washing my hands in a wash room, only to look up and see a Beyond Blue poster. The bells are going off in my head. Realising I’m on shaky ground here, I ended up in a doctor’s room where he advised my blood pressure was sky high and I should take a month off work.

The realisation that I can’t wear that corporate mask anymore has been a hard road. To be true to myself, to live by Satya and be truthful in my actions, it’s time to move. I think my Sankalpa from the beginning of the course will remain a lifetime’s challenge.

What intentions do I have?

I have worked so long in the testosterone fired, conflict torn logistics world — to step away is a huge step while at the same time, a necessary one.

As the recipient of an ancient tradition, I feel an obligation or Dharma to share what I have learned. The challenge is to create interest among men so they get over the perception that “it’s a girl thing”. But I believe with the right approach I can make a difference. Just have to work it out.

You could say, Yoga has become my compass.

Paul Tierney began his Yoga journey when seeking relief from chronic back pain and noticed an improvement from the first Asana session. It wasn’t long before Paul’s desire to explore Yoga more deeply grew and in 2017 he completed the Pine Rivers Yoga’s 350 hour Teacher Training program as a Level One Teacher. During this time he also studied Yin Yoga and was drawn to the opportunity to introduce more philosophic aspects into a normal class setting. Paul now works restoring classic motorcycles and exploring various aspects of Yoga, philosophy and Meditation.